Interested in more gift ideas? Check out these 8 Valentine's Day Gift Ideas For Your Long-Distance Partner!
We all need our privacy, even from those closest to us, but a major indicator that your partner may have something going on is if they suddenly become more secretive. Leaving their phone in another room or their car while they're with you, taking it with them anytime they get up to go anywhere (even just to the bathroom or to go to another room for a moment), or only being on it when you can't see the screen are major red flags. They may leave their phone somewhere else when they're with you to avoid dealing with questionable calls or texts where you may notice, or they keep their phone with them anytime they move anywhere to make sure they don't get a notification that they don't want you to see. If you do have their phone, like they forgot it somewhere and you grabbed it for them, then they may get very defensive or focused on getting it away from you.
Another thing they may be secretive about is parts of their home. A room, drawer, papers, or some area. They have information or items related to their infidelity, maybe their other partners clothes or something that they left there. If you notice that every time you are near something or in a room they are getting your attention immediately to get you away from it, that may be something you need to bring your attention to.
Another major sign is when your partner becomes distant, which is typically one of the first warnings. Not talking as much or taking hours to reply to a text, showing less affection in public than they always do, not asking you to go out as often. These can warn you that their attention is elsewhere, or they are with their other partner and don't want you to find out. Of course they may have something else going on in their life that leads to them being more distant, but if they won't tell you or they say that nothing has happened to cause it, this may be your sign.
Instead of being distant, your partner could actually become much more attentive to you and caring. This is because of the guilt they feel for going behind your back and they are trying to cover it up, but this behavior typically lasts as long as it takes them to feel confident they won't be caught. Again there are other signs for this behavior, and not many that see it even think that it's a sign of cheating because they expect them to be distant. Something your partner may do in this case is calling you multiple times during the day to "hear your voice" or "just checking in", because they are trying to see where you are so they can make sure they don't get caught with the other person.
Something that can go along with either of these is mood swings. Your partner gets tense trying to hide things from you, so they can easily become upset especially if you bring up something that could be related to the cheating, like asking why they don't act a certain way anymore, why they don't spend as much time with you, and especially if you express concerns about the person they are cheating with, if you happen to already know the person as a friend.
Someone who is cheating is likely to accuse their partner of cheating because they think they are so good at hiding it, so why wouldn't their partner be doing it too? They can get temperamental and possessive, becoming upset when you spend time with someone of the opposite sex saying that you're likely cheating or wanting to even when you assure them you would never. They expect you to be doing the same thing they are because of the turmoil they feel form their own cheating. Some people are less trusting than others, but if you have been with them for some time and you already established that trust and they are accusing you for no reason, this may be an issue you really need to talk about.
In terms of cheating that involves a friend or someone close to you, that person may know more about whats going on in your partners life than you do. Your partner may tell you that something is too painful to talk about or they don't want to, but if you hear about it from someone else (despite your partner not wanting to discuss it) that's a big red flag. Your partner is entitled to have other friends and have a life outside of that with you, but be weary if you are always seeing them hanging out with the same one of your friends, typically alone or late at night. They may act weird, or extremely friendly, when you're around because of their relationship alone.
If your partner suddenly comes up saying you both immediately need to get checked for STIs or an illness like mono, this can be a red flag, especially if you know you do not have what they are worried about. They may not even bring it up, but if you have been with the same partner for some time and you find out you have an STI (and know you didn't have it before your relationship), that alone is enough to catch a cheater.
Trust your gut. Anyone who has been cheated on has seen some warning signs, but when you're invested in your relationship it's very easy to brush them off or not even notice them. Whether it's about their behavior, a certain person you know or have seen them talking to online or texting, or just feeling off, you should trust it. It isn't enough reason to end it right there, but at least sit down and talk with your partner about your concerns even if that'll be hard. Their reaction may be a tell-all as well. If they get upset and don't even continue the conversation, start saying you're imagining things and try to make you feel crazy, or just overall act very immature about the situation, then these can be signs your hunch is right. Some people can be very good liars too, of course. Even if your partner denies anything and reassures you, if you still can't let it go or you don't trust your partner, then it may be time to end that relationship. It is not worth staying with a partner that puts you through that kind of pain, and even though you may have had to go through it with one relationship does not mean you will be stuck with it in every one you go through. Something important to remember is that it is not your fault if a partner cheats, if they want to then they will find a way, no matter how good their relationship may be and how happy they are with someone.
If you do find out a partner is cheating, or have enough reason to think they are, you always have a support system. So many others have gone through the same thing and experienced how you may feel, so don't be afraid to reach out to some friends for help. Even if you don't want to share it, it can still help you to be around other people who love and support you.
Notice how I don’t say constantly. You don’t need to text your partner every minute of every day, especially if they live in a different time zone (trust me, you don’t want to text a slew of TikTok’s to your boyfriend when it’s 3:00 AM his time, oops).
But you should outline certain days and times where it’s best for you both to text as well as certain times where you can have longer calls on the phone or through FaceTime. This way you have some boundaries when it comes to communication so you won’t be calling them during a class or important meeting. Of course, this is easier said than done, but once you work out these times, you’ll have an easier time communicating in the future!
My second tip is to set aside date nights throughout the month that combine both of your interests, whether that’s having a movie night complete with popcorn and dinner or playing virtual games that you can work together in. To survive your LDR, you’ll have to have fun in the process! I love having Netflix Party nights where my boyfriend and I can watch stand-up comedies and overall have a great time that’s similar to what we would be doing if we were together in person.
Now, this one can be hard because of the pandemic in terms of travel and quarantine restrictions, but having a time in mind where you’ll see each other in person again is essential. You’ll want to have something to look forward to in the future, something that you’re excited about whether that’s meeting your partner where they live or having them come to you! Surprises can be fun too, but having a realistic date that your partner is coming back can make things a lot easier on you both.
Personally, I love writing letters to my boyfriend as they can be more personal and nostalgic than a text may be. My boyfriend on the other hand has sent me gifts through Amazon or flowers through a local delivery company. There are many ways you can inspire your partner and be romantic at the same time, perhaps sending them a letter or flowers when your significant other has a difficult exam or interview coming up might be best for you!
Being honest and having open communication while also setting boundaries with each other is incredibly important at the beginning of being long-distance and throughout the relationship. Trust is one of the most important components of being in a relationship and building that trust is essential.
You can do this by setting boundaries with each other, whether this is about parties, using dating apps, etc. A lack of trust can lead to doubt, jealousy, and paranoia, so you wouldn’t want to create that kind of environment for your significant other. Being honest with each other, setting boundaries, and having consistent communication can lead to a trusting relationship!
For this tip, I would recommend making Instagram posts when you hit a milestone together or sharing your Google Calendar with each other to stay connected. Now, these shouldn’t be used in a toxic way to keep track of your partner’s every move, but sharing what times you’re available with your loved one can make it easier to plan time to spend with each other!
Posting about an anniversary, a birthday, or just a post to show you’re thinking about them is a great way to connect and show you care. Sharing photos or videos with your partner through Instagram or TikTok is also a thoughtful and fun way to connect with each other.
If there’s ever a time for having room to grow, it’s when you’re in a long-distance relationship. With your partner away, you’ll have plenty of time alone to work on yourself – your individual goals, priorities, energy, and other close relationships. This can be intimidating at first because as you’re growing, so is your partner, and they may have grown a lot when you see them for the first time after being away from each other for months.
But that’s the beauty of being in an LDR; even if you’re physically growing apart, your relationship is growing and developing at the same time. The trust and commitment that comes with being long-distance truly fosters a relationship into something worthy of being away from each other for some time.
Being in a long-distance relationship can be tough, no matter how far away you are or how long you’ve been together. But it can also create a deep sense of connection, trust, and commitment. As the holidays roll in, my boyfriend is coming back to the United States for his winter break and I couldn’t be more excited to see him.
