I Have No Clue What I'm Doing Right Now
My life is unemployment and debt, and I hate it
Do you know that meme of the dog sitting at the computer and it just says "I have no idea what I'm doing"? That's me. I'm that dog.
It's been a year since I graduated from the University of Maine, and I still have no idea what I am going to do with my life right now. I've already moved twice. I sent in an application for a radio broadcasting job for a collegiate summer league baseball team and got rejected. This had entry-level media job written all over it, and I still couldn't land it. What's it going to take to actually put my degree to use at this rate?
In all honesty, I don't think I have any control over my life right now.
I graduated on time. I now have 27 thousand dollars of student loan debt that I need to start paying off. I had to defer my payments.
The only jobs I'm qualified in are jobs in the restaurant industry, so what the everloving f*** was the point of saddling myself with this much debt when I have no way to pay it off?
Every time I think about it, the worse I make the problem, and the angrier I become. I contemplate going back to school for a new degree. Maybe I go for a similar degree in what I already have, just so I can bank on internships.
That there lies the problem. I start overthinking. I never allow myself to just sit back and relax. I don't know how to properly identify and communicate the anger and frustration I am feeling, so I come up with "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants" plans.
I look at everyone I went to high school and college with, and they seem to have a grasp of what they are doing. They were able to find good jobs or get into graduate programs. Either that or they are living life to the fullest. I see it every day with my girlfriend when she goes off to a job she really loves.
And where am I? I'm stuck with no car, no license, and nowhere to go. All I have is time to get stuck in my own head
This leads me to think that I'm a loser who can't do anything right. Yeah, I have a degree, but who cares? A Bachelors degree these days is basically what a high school degree would have been back in the 1960s. In all honesty, I was probably better off going to trade school, or at the very least, getting a different degree. Maybe I could have joined the military to get the experience needed to get a job.
It's funny how a year can change someone on this particular issue.I wasn't worried about my life before. I just wanted to take some time to enjoy myself, really explore what there was outside of Connecticut. I was optimistic about my prospects. Now, I have one existential crisis after another, wondering if I made a mistake as far as my field goes.
Oh well, that's life, I suppose.
