My cousin had a baby last August. She's absolutely beautiful and I love her to death, but she doesn't change my mind when it comes to wanting kids when I'm older. Truth is, I don't want kids. I'm sure everyone says this at some point in their life, and maybe I will change my mind in the future, but kids kind of freak me out.
Maybe I'm just not the most maternal person, but here's why having kids, at least for now, isn't on my bucket list.
1. Giving birth.
I know, I know, it's a beautiful thing, the miracle of life or whatever, but go watch a birthing video and then come tell me how beautiful it really is. Everything from a woman's water breaking, to actually giving birth just grosses me out, to be honest.
The thought of having to push something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon is just absolutely terrifying. I have a pretty average to above average pain tolerance, but no matter how well you can deal with pain, that shit is obviously not a pleasant experience.
2. The responsibility.
You have to do everything for babies, literally everything. Feed it, dress it, wash it, change it, put it to sleep, and you have to know what a baby wants when it wants it. If I had a baby and it started to cry, I would have no idea what to do. I know plenty of people say that once you have the baby, you automatically know which type of crying is for what need, but that makes no sense to me.
Do babies have different types of cries? How do you know which is which?
I consider myself a pretty responsible person when it comes time to be accountable for myself, but to be accountable for another life form?
I'll put it this way. I have two pet turtles. We got them when I was about twelve or so years old, and I remember being obsessed with them. That lasted for like maybe two weeks, and then I got bored with them, which meant I didn't take care of them. My parents did. Not the best analogy for obvious reasons, but I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to say. In other words, if I can barely take care of a pet, how would I ever be able to take care of a small human?
3. Kids are messy and loud.
Look, I'm not like a total clean freak or anything like that, but my mother definitely is. She used to disinfect sticks so my sister and I could roast marshmallows when we went camping for Girl Scouts. My point is, it's been drilled into my brain that everything has to be wiped down clean, and germs are not my friends.
I hate being around sick people; they freak me out, especially since I get sick so easily. If my baby or child were to get sick, I'd obviously still have to take care of it, which means wiping snot, cleaning vomit, and getting coughed on. I guarantee you, as soon as my child were to get better, I'd get sick.
Don't even get me started on changing dirty diapers.
Also, if there's anything I've learned from my cousin's baby thus far, it's that babies put everything in their mouths. Any object on the ground, their hands, and feet; nothing is safe. Babies don't understand sanitation, so it's not their fault, but I just know that if I had a kid, it would be in a plastic bubble so it could remain as clean as possible.
Babies are also very loud. Back when I worked at a diner, we used to have customers with little kids and babies all the time. If the kid was unhappy for any reason, that child would scream its head off. I never understood how such a big noise could come from such a small human.
4. Kids are expensive AF.
Kids are not cheap. They have an entire laundry list of stuff that needs to be bought for them, and they run out of supplies frequently. I can't imagine how much money people spend on things like diapers, formula, and clothes. Speaking of clothes, babies grow out things quickly. You get one or two good uses of an outfit and that's it. They outgrow it, and they can no longer use it.
Then, as they get older, you've got to think about school, eventually college, and extracurricular activities that they want to do, gifts for Christmas and other holidays. I say all of this, realizing how much my own parents have spent on me and my siblings (thanks, Mom and Dad).
5. Raising kids looks hard.
Knowing how much my sisters and I were pains in the asses for my parents, I can't imagine having to deal with that crap myself. The whole idea of shaping a child into a fully functioning member of society with good morals and conscience sounds like a lot of work.
There have been so many times where I would be at work and I'd have to deal with customers that have their kids with them, and these children are the biggest brats I've ever seen. Rude, disrespectful, obnoxious or disruptive; just the opposite of how kids should act in any public setting.
A big part of the reason I wouldn't want kids is that I see other people's kids and the way they act. It makes me just want to yell at the parents. At least I know that if I do ever decide to have kids, they'll be raised the way I want them to be and they'll behave the way they're supposed to. Appropriately.
In the big picture of things, whether or not you want kids is up to you. It's not meant for everyone and that's not the end of the world. I always get told that I don't mean it when I say I don't want kids, which isn't that big of a deal, but it can get annoying. In my opinion, if a person says they don't want kids, it's not because they think kids are like some evil being or anything like that. It's because they know their limits.
Growing a family is an amazing thing, but it's also different for everyone. No one should be judged for not liking or wanting to have kids. Everyone has different opinions. This one is just mine.
Don't Tell A Woman 'Her Clock Is Ticking' When You Don't Even Know
Asking a women if/when she will be having kids is both rude and insensitive.
"Your clock is ticking"
"Your time is running out"
As a woman, especially now reaching adulthood, I'm quite frequently asked about my plan for children. When I plan on having them, if I plan on having them and then the opinions of those who ask. If I say I'm not ready for kids yet, which I'm not being only 21, I get told not to wait too long. If I say I don't know when I'm having kids, which I don't because in truth it's often uncontrollable, I get told that I should know at this age.
If I tell them that I want to wait until I'm at least 26, they tell my my biological clock is ticking. I shouldn't wait, before it's too late.
Why do we ask women these questions? What if I was infertile? What if it was impossible for me to have kids on my own? How would I know how to answer these questions?
Those are the things nobody thinks about when they ask someone about their plans for children. Nobody thinks about the challenges that a woman can face while trying to get herself pregnant. It's not as easy as "just having sex" like it can be for most.
You often will meet women in your life who can't have kids, but really want to. When they get asked those questions, you're putting them in the most painful and uncomfortable situation possible. Her heart will break and she'll try to hold back the tears as the "what if" thoughts come rolling through. And because you asked her this question, she can't just disappear and walk away. She's forced to swallow back the lump in her throat and give you some kind of answer as to why she doesn't have kids.
Some women face the problem where they've tried having kids and they do get pregnant. But face problems early in the pregnancy where they lose the baby. Then they're struck with the reminder of what could've been.
Stop asking women anything about when or if they will be having children.
That is a personal question that should never be asked. Whether by a man or another woman. As a fellow woman, you should know not to ask another about their possibility of childbirth.
If a woman is waiting to have kids, do not tell her that her biological clock is ticking. Not only is it incredibly rude, but it is entirely insensitive. A woman should be allowed to decide when or if she wants to birth children. We do not live in the 1950's where every woman had to marry by a certain age and have kids right after.
We now live in a world where, women have a choice. Some women don't want kids, they'd rather focus on their careers and living their life. Some do want kids, but want to wait until they are out of college.
Whatever the case may be. Don't, ever, ask a woman about when she's having kids or if she's having kids. That is her business and her partners. Not yours. Unless she brings up the conversation with you first. Do not ask. Whether you have known her for years and especially if you have just met her.
Stop asking.