They Used To Say 'He’s A Gentleman,' Now They Say 'She’s High Maintenance'
Society's dialogue suggests that in the 21st century, it's hard to be a man. I think it's also hard to be a woman.
As women, we live in a time where we can choose to build a career or have a family, and often the two can coexist. Many women are asking themselves "Why do we need men?"
But where does that leave those of us, like myself, who still have old fashioned bones in their body? Whether we admit it or not, I think there is some truth in the idea that as soon as women had the ability to make their own money, the power structure within dating and marriage shifted. I believe there is a correlation between people getting married at an older age and the breakdown of social and sexual morals.
I'm not saying this breakdown is a bad thing since everyone should do what they feel comfortable doing, but I think it is hard to deny that it has negatively influenced male and female behavior as it pertains to dating. If you really take a look at it, it makes sense that a longer time frame of dating without the same monetary and economic pressure to settle down would lead to higher chance of engaging in recreational dating and recreational physical relationships. Maintaining a modicum of traditional roles and appropriate dating behavior in a society that is redefining itself on a daily basis is incredibly challenging to navigate.
Whether you agree with the things I've written above or not, all of the various factors that have come together to create modern dating culture have, at the very least, blurred the lines between what is expected of men and what is expected of women. I think we can all agree that dating is complicated. Recently, while I was visiting my best friend at her college, a conversation we had inspired me to write this piece.
My friend and I went over to her guy friend's apartment to hang out with him and his friends that were visiting as well. We had a great time, laughed and joked around with these boys till 3 a.m. and then we decided that we should probably go home. My friend had been to the host's date party. Even still, not one of the three boys in the room offered to get us an Uber or walk us even out of the building, let alone to her apartment a 10-minute walk away. My friend will probably be more successful than any of those boys by a landslide.
Still, they were bigger and stronger and if someone had approached us on our walk home, we would not have won that battle. The area is relatively safe and we made it home fine, but as we approached my apartment I asked her, "Aren't you kind of stunned not one of those guys even faked an offer to walk us halfway or something?"
She said, "No. No one would ever do that. Now instead of people saying 'he's a gentleman' they say 'she's high maintenance.'"
Those words really struck a chord with me. I couldn't believe that they were true but they really are. How on earth did that become the case? Of course, this is a generalization and there are definitely a lot of gentlemen out there, but in the realm of college guys, it's definitely not the trend. As women, we apologize way too much but wanting a gentleman is not something I'm willing to apologize for. I want to feel protected and I want to feel valued. I want to see you sweat a little bit.
And yes, I want you to buy my salad on a date because even though I could buy it, I'd rather be worth the price of arugula, beets, and goat cheese than have the date be a negative transaction and experience. And guys, for the love of all that is holy please buy us drinks at the bar. Our foundation and mascara cost more than your car payment.
I think girls out there who feel the same way need to start voicing this to the boys we come in contact with. Giving them some guidance will help them grow and become a better partner for whoever they decide to date next. And if there is a guy who is treating you right, hit him with that positive reinforcement! Stay true to your heart and know that you deserve respect, in whatever way you define that as.
