To All The Ones I've Loved Before: Part V
It was a trauma bond the whole time.
Dear A,
We met about two years ago when you came into my workplace. I didn't notice you at first, but then you came up to me and started throwing compliments at me a mile a minute.
I didn't know how to respond. I was at the lowest I'd ever been, so I didn't believe a word you said to me. However, it was nice having someone showing me kindness. I didn't have a lot of that at the time.
We started talking almost all day every day. It took about a week for us to fall for each other.
I had just been hurt in a way I didn't know humanly possible, and having you around was very...refreshing.
You boosted my confidence by liking and commenting on all of my pictures, texting me back immediately and sending me sweet voicemails before we went to bed. I thought it was the most amazing bond I'd ever had.
I now realize you were love-bombing me before moving into the discard phase.
Eventually, you treated me more like a burden than anything. You stopped responding quickly, you rarely acknowledged me on social media, and I went from being your everything to someone who was just "there."
At the time, I thought you were lifting my spirits when I was at my lowest. Now that I've gained much more confidence, I learned that was the whole problem.
You attacked me when I was weak, so I was an easy target.
Eventually, you started pointing out my flaws, your responses were very dry and rare, and you made me believe I was crazy when I called you out for ignoring me.
You wanted me to get emotionally attached to you, so you played your cards just right. I had no idea what was going on, but you knew exactly what you were doing.
You never valued me as a person; you valued me as an innocent victim to latch on to.
You messed with my emotions more than I messed with my own emotions.
The last time we saw each other, I knew we would never see each other again. I could tell you were tired of me already because I wasn't fueling your ego anymore.
After that, you stopped talking to me altogether. It took me forever to get over you, or at least to get over the idea of you.
I realized that's what I liked all along: the idea of you. I never actually knew you, and you never took the time to learn the real me.
Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.
I hope you're doing better out there and you've learned better relationship skills, and I will always support you from afar.
Thank you, next.
-Sarah
