It's time to talk about the weird things that go down when you're getting down.
We've all been there, you're rolling in the sheets when somethingembarrassing happens and all the sexual tension disappears in mid-air. Honestly, can anything be worse timing?
No need to fret, though. Weird, uncomfortable, awkward things happen to the best of us – yes, even when we are all hot and bothered.
While these unspoken, inconvenient incidents are entirely normal for both parties, if you're anything like me, they can feel like really big deals. Having gone through my fair share of sexual mishaps, I've learned that, really, it's no biggie, but I'm human, and I still get self-conscious in front of my crush I'm trying to seduce.
There are times that, in my head, the mood is ruined and I just want to throw a blanket over my head so I can pretend my partner can't see me anymore. Maybe I'll just catch a plan and move to anywhere but here? I just don't want to talk about it. Can we pretend it never happened?
No matter what, let's be strong and imagine we are living in a real-life romantic comedy. There should be zero shame when it comes to these precious, run-of-the-mill moments that act as comedic relief. This can still be the fairytale we dreamed of – just with some memorable added extras.
Here are 27 normal, yet cringe-worthy encounters that happen when you're going all the way:
1. Someone gets seriously injured.
2. Your partner has a rhythm going and is really thrusting until they slam up against you.
Whether it's a body slam or they hit your labia, vulva, or clitoris, no one is happy.
3. That new position you really wanted to try sounded better in your head and didn't go as planned.
4. Someone starts singing along to the baby making music.
Totally guilty of this one.
5. Someone just isn't into it anymore.
6. There's a queef happening, and it just won't stop.
AKA vaginal flatulence.
7. When you or your partner can't cum no matter how hard you try.
8. One of you have to pee really badly and can't think of anything else.
9. Your lover "accidentally" tries to jam their way into the wrong hole.
Anal requires three things: Consent, foreplay, and a bucket ton of lube.
10. A pet, baby, anyone is watching.
11. Someone finishes way too early and way too quickly.
I always take it as a compliment. **wink wink**
12. Someone walks in and disrupts everything.
13. Someone loses feelings in their leg or gets a cramp.
14. One of you start to laugh a lot more than just a sultry giggle.
Can the words "sultry" and "giggle" even go together?
15. Someone gets distracted and zones out.
16. The sound when your bodies flap together.
Don't lie, you know what I'm talking about.
17. Smeared makeup all over your face, their face, and all over the sheets.
18. You run out of lube and The D won't go in.
19. The sex never ends.
Yes, for some, there is such thing as too long.
20. The dick, toy, or all of the above just keep slipping out.
21. Someone says something they don't mean, like "I love you" or their ex's name.
22. Someone falls asleep.
Bonus points if snoring is involved.
23. When you're done and you want to leave, but you don't know how to say, "Goodbye."
24. Aunt Flo crashes the party.
25. Someone, anyone farts.
26. You move a way that your body is not supposed to move and now you throw out your back.
27. There is a weird smell and it's throwing your game off.
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