Like most other people, I've spent the ripe ages of three to twenty-one submerged in the grand scheme of life known as education. In other words, the entirety of my life was spent with a structured schedule that gave my life a sense of purpose, as sad as that may seem. I had always been the type to love school, constantly yearning for more knowledge and finding love in the idea of growing as a competent individual.
Spending my life perfecting my scheduling as a student, finding joy in mapping out a daily homework plan, and taking courses outside of my main interests was my purpose in life, and now, here I am, three months outside of graduation; I feel utterly lost.
I spend my hours looking for any position that will help me fill my time with something of substance. I hope and dream that I will find a position allowing me to write or edit to my heart's desire, but at this point, I would take any position at a company willing to take a chance on me, [Insert Abba's "Take A Chance" here].
In all honesty, I miss being a student. I miss the thrill of a new schedule, the nerves of meeting a new professor, and the pressure of endless assignments that make or break my being as an individual; I miss the challenge.
Being unemployed makes me feel lost in a world of endless opportunities, and yet, the opportunities don't actually feel endless. They feel stunted and competitive to the point where I find myself doubting my ability as a writer and my worth as a productive citizen of society. I ache for worth, for purpose.
Being an unemployed college graduate is not all it is cracked up to be, not that unemployment is really ever cracked up to be a positive. What I mean by this is that people, especially adults within my life, continually ask about the job hunt, drone on about the importance of working, and react in sheer disappointment when they realize that I have fallen short of their expectations, without considering the negativity that I face on a daily basis. I'm putting forth all of my effort. I want a job just as badly as they want me to get one. It hasn't happened yet, and the job hunt has been extraneous, but at least I can say that I am trying.
No, being unemployed is not all it is cracked up to be. The initial relaxation of finally being freed from the eighteen credits of hell fades quickly as summer time becomes lonely. I feel purposeless, even though I am constantly trying. The truth about being a jobless college graduate is that I would give anything for structure, challenges, and knowledge.
My journey continues: applying for jobs on the daily, posting as many creative pieces as my mind can construct to put my work out there, and my hope is still there. The struggle, however, is difficult, and I wish there was an easier way to explain to people that I am trying my hardest, and that I am trying to keep faith that something good might come my way.
Being jobless and lonely is one of the most difficult experiences I have had to face, and I didn't think it would be this deadening, but I'll keep my hopes up because hope is all that I have left right now.