When asked what else I wanted to do before I leave college, I couldn't give an answer. Study abroad? Go to at least one frat party? Go tunneling? What did I want? I didn't know, but perhaps it's because I was already happy and I didn't feel the need to fill in gaps with big adventures because I've got years to fill.
They said to hold onto every moment in college. They said that I'd find myself. The friends I'd make here would be the ones who will stick around for the longest time. I'd have the time of my life, while also challenging myself. I'm here to say: all of this is true. I'm not gonna deny that there have been times when I got to a low point, but something always managed to lift me up. When all the anxieties came in, something calmed me down.
Was it the positivity? Was it the suppression of my worries about the future? Was it the way I've attached myself to the belief of destiny? I wonder all of this, now I'm wondering why I'm wondering and where the wondering came from...I'm a mess.
Let's just go back to it. I think I've protected myself from the real world by shading myself under optimism and friendship. I'm not blind to it, of course; but this energy I hold in my hands has to be sheltered. It's one of the few things that I count on to keep me standing. It's kept love burning, with friendship and inspiration fueling it.
I got friends whom I love dearly. I am the "mom-friend" of the group because of my extra-ness. I love and love and love, and I found comfort in this happiness.
As a fan of television and movies growing up, their stories shaped me to believe in positivity. Disney movies fed me wisdom at a young age. They knew how to tell their stories. I grew up with their energy.
Masking the worries of the real world with these led me to focus on matters I could control at the moment. I had all of that. These matters shaped me feel good about myself. They reminded me that the future isn't written, but I had the power to write it with my present hands. They told me to breathe. Most importantly, they reminded me what made me happy.
Am I fulfilled? At the moment, yes. The future holds so many things, that we can't reserve "fulfillment" to just our goals and dreams. Feel the fulfillment from the small things, the moments that made you realize that the world isn't so bad. These moments lie under our noses, being with the people we love or doing something that caught our minds.
