Find Fulfillment At the Present Moment

Feeling Fulfilled At 21?

Is this normal?

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When asked what else I wanted to do before I leave college, I couldn't give an answer. Study abroad? Go to at least one frat party? Go tunneling? What did I want? I didn't know, but perhaps it's because I was already happy and I didn't feel the need to fill in gaps with big adventures because I've got years to fill.

They said to hold onto every moment in college. They said that I'd find myself. The friends I'd make here would be the ones who will stick around for the longest time. I'd have the time of my life, while also challenging myself. I'm here to say: all of this is true. I'm not gonna deny that there have been times when I got to a low point, but something always managed to lift me up. When all the anxieties came in, something calmed me down.

Was it the positivity? Was it the suppression of my worries about the future? Was it the way I've attached myself to the belief of destiny? I wonder all of this, now I'm wondering why I'm wondering and where the wondering came from...I'm a mess.

Let's just go back to it. I think I've protected myself from the real world by shading myself under optimism and friendship. I'm not blind to it, of course; but this energy I hold in my hands has to be sheltered. It's one of the few things that I count on to keep me standing. It's kept love burning, with friendship and inspiration fueling it.

I got friends whom I love dearly. I am the "mom-friend" of the group because of my extra-ness. I love and love and love, and I found comfort in this happiness.

As a fan of television and movies growing up, their stories shaped me to believe in positivity. Disney movies fed me wisdom at a young age. They knew how to tell their stories. I grew up with their energy.

Masking the worries of the real world with these led me to focus on matters I could control at the moment. I had all of that. These matters shaped me feel good about myself. They reminded me that the future isn't written, but I had the power to write it with my present hands. They told me to breathe. Most importantly, they reminded me what made me happy.

Am I fulfilled? At the moment, yes. The future holds so many things, that we can't reserve "fulfillment" to just our goals and dreams. Feel the fulfillment from the small things, the moments that made you realize that the world isn't so bad. These moments lie under our noses, being with the people we love or doing something that caught our minds.

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A Letter To My Freshman Dorm Room As I Pack Up My Things

Somehow a 15' x 12' room became a home.

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Dear Geary 411,

With your creaky beds, concrete walls, and mismatched tile floors, you are easily overlooked as just another room we were randomly assigned to— but you were different. Inside your old walls, I have made some of the best memories of my life that I will hold on to forever.

Thank you for welcoming my neighbors in with open arms who quickly became friends who didn't knock and walked in like you were their own.

I feel like an apology is needed.

We're sorry for blaring the music so loud while getting ready and acting like we can actually sing when, in reality, we know we can't. Sorry for the dance parties that got a bit out of control and ended with us standing on the desks. Sorry for the cases of the late-night giggles that came out of nowhere and just would not go away. Sorry for the homesick cries and the "I failed my test" cries and the "I'm dropping out" cries. We're sorry for hating you at first. All we saw was a tiny and insanely hot room, we had no idea what you would bring to us.

Thank you for providing me with memories of my first college friends and college experiences.

As I stand at the door looking at the bare room that I first walked into nine months ago I see so much more than just a room. I see lots and lots of dinners being eaten at the desks filled with stories of our days. I see three girls sitting on the floor laughing at God knows what. I see late night ice cream runs and dance battles. I see long nights of homework and much-needed naps. Most importantly, I look at the bed and see a girl who sat and watched her parents leave in August and was absolutely terrified, and as I lock you up for the last time today, I am so proud of who that terrified girl is now and how much she has grown.

Thank you for being a space where I could grow, where I was tested physically, mentally and emotionally and for being my home for a year.

Sincerely,

A girl who is sad to go

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When Was The Last Time You Were Alive?

If you can't post it for everyone to see, was it truly a remarkable moment?

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Being alive is an essentially effortless act.

In theory, as long as you're eating food, drinking water, and performing as a human, assuming no major health conditions, most of us are living.

The tragedy I see most often is so very few of us are alive.

Now, I'm not suggesting you drop your textbooks and sprint up a mountain, or go broke trying to find yourself in new activities and events.

That's the illusion pressed onto so many of us. Social Media, more importantly, FOMO, has taught us that in order to truly be alive we need to make sure we travel far and wide, eat gourmet and unique food, and essentially, immerse ourselves in something phenomenal. However, regardless of what you do- don't do it without an audience and the value of your experience will only be justified by the number of likes you accrue on your #bestvacation ever because you #lovenature. With your back to the camera and wispy hair flowing in the beach air, you hit all of your angles, how else will you prove that you're alive to Instagram?

I fell for this too. I spent so much of my life constantly trying to get to the next phase life had to offer. High school was fun, but I was counting the days until graduation. Growing up in a small hometown wasn't awful, but I had sticky note calendars until my next vacation. And day in and day out, events would happen all around me that were just too "normal." I wasn't alive, but I was living.

Setting your soul on fire and truly living is so much more difficult than you could ever expect, but not because you have to drain savings and take along a buddy to snap all the perfect moments.

Choosing to be alive is realizing how important it is to be in this moment or phase in life and accepting it for all its worth. Instead of racing to the finish line or trying to sprint into your next season of assumed happiness, take time to notice all the beautiful and small things that make this moment so important. There is so much life to be found in simple moments.

Semesters are ending, we are all racing to summer. Perhaps in the process, take note of the routine cafeteria worker that constantly smiles at you and says hello. Or perhaps, giggle at the fact that in just a few short weeks that bus driver you see every single morning won't be apart of your morning routine.

The farther I get from what used to be my normal, the more I miss that season of life. I haven't lived in my hometown since I was eighteen, but I miss the simplicity that came with my drives to high school listening to Kanye West and the coziness of a small town opening its doors to start a new day. I never stopped to be alive in those moments, I was just simply living.

Wherever your next phase of life might be, it will always be there. You will always have something else coming. However, once this moment is gone. It's truly gone. Don't waste beautiful views trying to capture just the right picture for Instagram, take in the moment.

Living and experiencing life can be as simple as trusting that you're exactly where you need to be in life. Cherish each moment as you're in it. The next moment is coming whether you're ready or not.

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