When someone tells you that they have been sexually assaulted or raped, they are doing so out of confidence. They are telling you not because they love to gossip, but instead, they are telling you because they need help, support, love, understanding, and to know that someone is there as they deal with all of the emotions that they truly do not know and never will know how to feel. They tell you, even though it is one of the hardest things that they can do.

Recently, one of my friends has told me about her rape. She did so because I found her crying while walking home one day. She had told me that she just learned some horrible news from her sorority: her sorority is pairing up for all the home football games at the Ohio State University with a fraternity whose member that raped her.

Her sorority knew about her rape. She told me that she told them right away, since being on the social committee she knew that her sorority was considering pairing with them. She told them because she did not want any chance of that guy ever getting near one of her sisters and potentially doing that horrendous thing to them that he did to her.

Her sorority knew all the facts from both sides, even going so far to tell her that when he went back to the fraternity house, that he said that there was a “misunderstanding”.

A “misunderstanding”?! How can you misunderstand a girl telling you “No” as a misunderstanding? “No,” that she does not want to have sex a misunderstanding. ‘No” that she does not want to go further in their actions, no matter how far you may have or have not gotten with her. How can you misunderstand? A no is a no.

Her sorority knew all of the facts, heard both sides, saw the marks that he left on her, knew she was getting tested and was talking to the police, and still chose to pair up with his fraternity.

They chose to pair up with the fraternity, as well as two other fraternities. Three fraternities total, when most sororities only pair up with one. She had known that the two other fraternities were guaranteed to be pairings, but before she graduated, it was still not determined if her rapist’s fraternity would be one as well. Well, they decided to include them anyways.

So she confronted her sorority, rightfully so, and they gave the same stupid excuses and “rules” over and over again. I read her texts, I listened to the voicemails, I looked at what the people in the sorority sent to her email box, and yet it was the same things over and over again. She had told them how their “rules” that they put in place for him really didn’t stop him from doing anything, even going so far as to giving examples and loopholes as to how he can get around the rules. Yet, they still did not listen and got angry at her when she refused their bullshit excuses.

Thinking it over, I know why they backed the fraternity, which has a member who is under investigation for raping a girl. They are afraid they are going to make someone mad, to offend someone, to lose ties.

Well, congratulations. You have. You have isolated one sister. You have made her feel worthless. You have offended her to the very core of her well-being, you have made her mad, upset, confused, and unsure about anything. You have lost a tie to what is means to be a real sister. To be in a sorority.

She also recently tried reaching out to nationals and all they told her was that they were reviewing their policies, but couldn’t really do anything until new officers were put in place after the END OF THE SEMESTER. Well, after all, the football pairings are done. So basically, they are okay with putting their sisters in the same room as a fraternity that has a brother that another sister has screamed rape over and over again... until next semester, that is of course.

The sad thing is that we both know that if she was still an active sister, which her sorority would have never even further considered the idea of pairing up with her rapist’s fraternity. They would have protected her. But sadly she just graduated and therefore became alum to her sorority and has lost her voice to really make headway in stopping this.

As for the “rules” that they put in place, 1. He is banned from stepping foot inside the sorority house. (Which really is a pointless rule) and 2. He is banned from any event that the sorority is hosting, including their philanthropy event and parties, as well as the tailgates before for football games.

You may be thinking now, well he is banned from the tailgates for football games, so why is she fighting this and so upset? She is upset because her sorority is only having their names attached to the event for 1 out of the several hours that the fraternities are hosting the tailgates. So he can’t be there for 1 measly hour. And all of the other hours that the sorority is not having their name attached to it means that he is free to attend the event as he pleases. Also, the fraternities were planning on rotating the tailgate location, so that means 1 out of 3 times, that fraternity would be hosting the tailgate at their house. I would love to see someone come into a place where you live and tell you that you can’t attend a party with all of your friends at your own damn house.

Another thing that she told me, that I instantly realized that she was correct on, was the fact that even though seating is assigned in the stadium, no student really follows the rule. Her sorority has since said that he is not allowed to get tickets in the pairing section, but what is really going to stop him from either buying a ticket from someone else in the pairing’s seating area and having every damn right to sit in his assigned seat or just sneaking over to the pairing’s seating location? I myself have ignored my assigned seat from time to time and sat with my friends on several occasions. It is an easy task to do. The only way that it is hard is when your friends are in Block O, a more expensive seating option that gives all the people wristbands to sit in the section upon arrival, or sitting in AA, which is basically on the field.

And I won’t even touch base on what events could happen when the game is over and we have won since 99% all we do is win, win, win no matter what. (In the past 4 years, we have only lost 4 games. #GoBucks )

Really, all of this is just so sad and depressing. To see her in an emotional state that I have never seen her in. Normally she is this happy, strong-willed individual, but I can see her sorority crushing that out of her when sororities love to say that they do just the exact opposite. Yet, they don’t seem to care. They would much rather go on the attack against her saying she is personally attacking full grown adults with mean words than take credit for what they are doing to her. They are destroying her.

Full grown adults, attacking her character and much more because she is rightfully upset and wants to see something done now, and not later. She has already gone through a difficult time as it is without her chapter advisors attacking her and telling her she needs to be “sisterly” and to stop making lies and false claims and attacking her.

If you would have asked me if anything was wrong with her after she was raped, I would have told you that she was clearly upset, but would have assumed she was having a bad day, as I knew at the time she was stressed over the upcoming exam and trying to find a job. Now, I would tell you that the very essence that makes her so great has drastically faded away into almost nothing. And yet, this did not have to happen.

To Her Sorority: Why don’t you back your sister and her feelings? Why don’t you do the right thing and stop this? Pull out of the pairing. Let the other sisters know that in great times of need that you will do anything within your power, and this is within your power, to let them know that you are 100% there for her? And no, that does not just simply mean insisting on her going to counseling, with you right by her side and making half-hearted promises that put her feelings at stake and other sisters in danger. She doesn’t need counseling, she told you that she didn’t want it, yet you insisted. What she needed was to feel supported, validated, heard, and respected. What you are doing, in my opinion, is worse than the rape itself.

I care for my friend so much that I am writing this so that she may finally be able to put her mind to rest, at least as much as she can. So that she may see this from no longer happening. So that she may no longer cry over what her sorority is doing to her and so that she won’t curse their name every chance she has. So that she can move on, in ways that you have denied her. So that she may live again.