I pride myself in honesty.
Raw, embarrassing, gut-wrenching honesty.
Choking back tears, and struggling to look in the mirror.
Because it's real.
I think as a society we can relate so much more to struggles with weight, mental health issues, abuse, and bullying.
Then we can on things like purity, or perfection.I haven't become the woman I am today because I sat still with my legs crossed because I did everything that was expected of me or everything that looked good.
I am the dirty, the unstable, and the complicated.
I am the girl you whisper about in the halls,
not the one you invite to your wedding.
I'm the boy crazy, not the one you invite to your sleepovers.
Do not come to me with your hateful comments, or judgments, don't waste your gossip on me.
My stories are written on the walls for everyone to read.
I am a white, young, American woman.
With culture, with energy, with a future, and a plan.
There is nothing plain about me, nothing ordinary.
My skin might not be golden, my eyes might not be dark, my reputation may be tainted, but I feel beautiful.
To the world, I'm not exotic,
to the mothers, I need more clothing,
to the fathers, they look away,
to the daughters, I am a bad example,
and to the sons, I am a toy, some type of dessert.
But really, deep down, I know the mothers look at me and think, "to be young again," to be that bold and to not have held back.
To the fathers, I am something to be proud of,
to the daughters, I am the bad example, the good example, the journey.
And to the sons, deep down, they know I'm a daughter, a sister, a friend, not an object of their choice.
Honesty gets you looks, it gets you sly remarks and comments,
but honesty doesn't make the Beyoncé's of this world.
One day I know that all my scars, all my marks, they're all going to be a story,
for anyone and everyone to read.
Not to mock me, or to shame me, but to listen to me.
To hear something real, and vulnerable.
Because while my vulnerability gets me comments like "that's too much," and "should you really be saying that?"
I also get thank you's.
I get "that spoke to me."
That changed me.
It amazes me how empowering society can be, and accepting,
but how we don't have that same feeling at home, in our schools, or our church.
Honesty, vulnerability, and being true to who we are should be celebrated and encouraged but instead, we are shaming it, we are punishing it as if it's something bad we need to hide.
And I'm here to tell you, that attitude and behavior, doesn't make for a strong individual.
Real world changers are not paper cutouts.
Influencers have dark pasts and real-life stories,
Because this is mine.