The Bachelor's Caelynn Miller-Keyes' Disclosure of Sexual Assault

Plainfield HS Should Take A Cue From 'The Bachelor' Contestant Who Shared Her Story About Sexual Assault

Solidarity, resources, the breaking of stigma, and prevention are crucial.

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This past Monday night on "The Bachelor," this year's Miss USA runner-up from Charlotte, NC, Caelynn Miller-Keyes, opened up to Colton, the bachelor, about her experience with sexual assault in college. Also this past Monday, a Buzzfeed reporter wrote about how Plainfield High School's administration decided that sexual assault shouldn't be discussed in any form in the school's newspaper.

I admire Caelynn's bravery, and I'm disappointed in Plainfield High's administration, who still live in a world in which sexual assault and justice are pushed under the rug.

I find the juxtaposition of these two situations very interesting, especially as I'm currently in a class about media law and we're discussing the First Amendment and how it applies to schools. Plainfield High is not the first school to try to censor the school newspaper — the Hazelwood School District did as well in a 1988 Supreme Court case, Hazelwood School District v. Kuhlmeier.

In a nutshell, students, in that case, wanted to report in their school newspaper on teen pregnancy and birth control, as well as the effects of divorce on students. The school argued that these articles invaded privacy and shared material that would be inappropriate for younger students. When the student editors sued, the case first went to the trial court, which rejected the students' claim. However, when the case was then sent to the Court of Appeals, they reversed, siding with students. When the case was sent to finally be determined by the Supreme Court, the Supreme Court reversed again, siding with the school and their authority to censor their newspaper. This case and the holding, or the final decision, set the precedent that will be referenced in future similar cases.

Admittedly, I don't know as much about "The Bachelor." I haven't watched more than a few minutes of it before, so I can't accurately discuss the season or show as a whole. However, after talking to some friends and engaging in a little research on my own, I know these things: I'm proud of Caelynn for speaking up about her experience and something she finds important in a world that will condemn her for it. I appreciate how she's also using her story to create solidarity and support others, even though I believe it's also okay if a survivor decides to focus on their own story and healing.

When it comes to Plainfield High, I know these things: sexual assault is a complicated issue, especially when your own students are involved. However, when the student reporters compromised their want to report on the offending student by simply reporting on sexual assault prevention — something that is undoubtedly apolitical and incredibly important — the school denied that as well. They argued that these stories could cause fights, defamation, and even suicide.

While I'm certainly sensitive to these issues, I'd like to see the statistics first.

According to a student, the school is too concerned with its image to share the story about the offending student.

There's a small part of me that gets it from a public relations standpoint. However, I believe there's an ethical and moral issue here that overrides that: the safety and well-being of students. It trumps the school's reputation, and frankly, should be a large part of their mission and goal anyway. In addition, this discussion on violence prevention is important to have as early as possible and can be even more effective when it's had with peers. I see nothing about this conversation that should be censored.

"At the same time, when something is censored, you know it's censored because something about it is important," said Halle Newman, a student, and co-author of the school newspaper's article.

Julia Shannon-Grillo, another student and co-author of the article, added, "The law makes us confident that the public wants us to be covering more significant stories, not just be a student newspaper covering the sports games."

I agree with Shannon-Grillo and Halle Newman wholeheartedly. I also want to praise Miller-Keyes again for speaking up for her own well-being and for that of others who have had similar experiences or know someone who has and may not fully understand. I hope these individuals will help those who disagree see sexual assault and prevention in a new light, as these discussions are vital to the safety and well-being of all. Violence is a public health issue that we must address early and often.

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100 Iconic Grey's Anatomy Quotes

"You're my person" isn't the only great quote...
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Shonda Rhimes has been making grown adults very unstable since 2005. Grey’s Anatomy now has 14 seasons, and it’s still running. OG fans have actually been watching since 2005, and now the series is on Netflix for everyone to watch. AND, incase you are looking for the 14th season, you can find it on Hulu (you’re welcome).

Over the past fourteen seasons, we have seen new interns come through, residents become attendings, and many deaths that left the hearts of viewers scattered in many pieces. Grey-Sloan has seen more of the unthinkable accidents than probably any hospital ever has. Bombings, fires, shooters, you name it, it has probably happened.

For some months now, this show has consumed my life. I recently finished the series. Instead of dealing with the grief of finishing a show, I decided the best way to deal with this grief would be to comprise a list of 100 quotes. (And watch the series again, but that’s beside the point.)

1. "Each of you comes here today hopeful. Wanting in on the game. A month ago you were in med school being taught by doctors. Today, you are the doctors. The seven years you spend here as a surgical residents will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you. Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under the pressure and two of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play? That's up to you." -Richard Webber

2. “Don't let what he wants eclipse what you need. He's very dreamy, but he's not the sun. You are.” -Christina Yang

3. “Intimacy is a four letter syllable for- here’s my heart and soul, please grind them into a hamburger and enjoy. It’s both desired and feared. Difficult to live with, impossible to live without” -Meredith Grey

4. “You can have the worst crap in the world happen to you and you can get over it. All you gotta do is survive.” -Alex Karev

5. “Walk tall. All you can do is be brave enough to get out there. You fought. You loved. You Lost. Walk tall.” -Mark Sloan

6. "It's a beautiful day to save lives.” -Derek Shepherd

7. "Cause you never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don't." -Meredith Grey

8. "Oh screw beautiful! I’m brilliant! If you want to appease me, compliment my brain." -Christina Yang

9. "Just because people do horrible things, it doesn't always mean they're horrible people."-Izzie Stevens

10. "I am woman. Hear me roar." - Miranda Bailey

11. "I love everything about you. Even the things I don't like, I love. And I want you with me. I love you and I think you love me too. Do you?" -Jackson Avery

12. “Being aware of your crap and actually overcoming your crap are two very different things” -Cristina Yang

13. “You didn't love her! You just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her, because you don't destroy the person that you love!” - Callie Torres

14. "I am not an ugly duckling. I'm a swan."-April Kepner

15. “Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big 'pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window', unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.” - Meredith Grey

16. "I love you. I do. I just, I love you. And I have been trying not to say it. I have been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it and... Jackson is a great guy. But it was never gonna work out, because I love you. I am so in love with you. You're in me. You're like—it's like you’re a disease. It's like I am infected by Mark Sloan and I just can't think about anything or anybody and I can't sleep. I can't breathe. I can't eat. And I love you. I love you all the time. Every minute of every day. I love you. God, that feels good to just say that. I feel so much better. I love you."-Lexie Grey

17. “If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, stop accepting crap and demand something more.” -Cristina Yang

18. You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me. That's all I know."-Derek Shepherd

19. “I’ve had to give up things but what I’ve learned is that I don’t need much. I don’t need much to be happy.” -Arizona Robbins

20. “I need the day off. For drinking.” -Addison Montgomery

21. "It turns out sometimes you have to do the wrong thing. Sometimes you have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful, but they're the only way to find out who we really are." -Denny Duquette

22. “In the beginning everyone is there, but then they forget.” - Amelia Shepherd

23. "Knowing is better than wondering. Waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying." -Meredith Grey

24. "Sometimes it's good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose."-Richard Webber

25. “You have to go back to the beginning to understand the end.” -Teddy Altman

26. “Yeah we’re friends…I mean right now I’d probably say you’re one of my best friends.”-George O’Malley

27. "If you aren't willing to keep looking for light in the darkest of places without stopping, even when it seems impossible, you will never succeed."-Amelia Shepherd

28. “I’m just gonna feel bad that I made it so you can never love again” -Jo Wilson

29. "The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes." -Owen Hunt

30. "If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there."- Mark Sloan

31. “Not everyone has to be happy all the time. That isn’t metal health. That’s crap.” -Meredith Grey

32. “There’s a land called passive agressiva, and you’re their queen” -Derek Shepherd

33. “Let’s play a game of whose life sucks the most. I’ll win. I always win.” -Meredith Grey

34. “I take things personally. I get emotional.” -Lexie Grey

35. “Stop looking at my like that. Like you’ve seen me naked” -Meredith Grey

36. “Pretty good is not good enough, I want to be great.” -Cristina Yang

37. "Don't let fear keep you quiet. You have a voice so use it. Speak up. Raise your hands. Shout your answers. Make yourself heard. Whatever it takes, just find your voice, and when you do, fill the damn silence." - Meredith Grey

38. “Let’s just make-out on the couch.” -Nathan Riggs

39. "Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop." -Meredith Grey

40. "Every intern wants to perform their first surgery. That's not your job. Do you know what your job is? To make your resident happy. Do I look happy? No! Why? Because my interns are whiney. You know what will make me look happy? Having the code team staffed, having the trauma pages answered, having the weekend labs delivered and having someone down in the pit doing the sutures. No-one holds a scalpel until I'm so happy I'm Mary Freaking Poppins." -Miranda Bailey

41. “Deal with your jealousy. Deal with your shortcomings. Don’t put your crap on me.” -Stephanie Edwards

42. "I know I'm not a lot of things that you've gone for in the past - I know, but I would never leave you. I would never hurt you. And I will never stop loving you.." -George O’Malley

43. “Sometimes you have to be a shark.” -Lucy Fields

44. “Don’t look at me like that. Like I’m damaged goods. I’m still me. I’m still here.” -Adele Webber

45. "The best gift I ever got was for Christmas when I was ten - My very first suture kit. I used it until my fingers bled, and then I tried to use it to stitch up my fingers. It put me on the path to becoming a surgeon. My point is sometimes the best gifts come in really surprising packages” -Meredith Grey

46. "More tequila. More love. More anything. More is better." -Meredith Grey

47. “You are in a spaceship. You’re going to the moon. Enjoy the ride.” -Alex Karev

48. “We’re adults. When did that happen? How do we make it stop?” -Meredith Grey

49. “Hope. It’s recurrent, it keeps creeping back in no matter how many times it gets ripped apart and every time the hope goes it takes chunks of you with it” -Nicole Herman

50. “I can do hot in my sleep. I look hot in scrubs. I am a hot person.” -Cristina Yang

51. "For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything." -Alex Karev

52. "You can't be an ass to me all day and then expect me to give you respect." - Lexie Grey

53. “You grew up. It's a shame, an awful thing to grow up. The carousel never stops turning. You can never get off.” - Ellis Grey

54. Some days, the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, when you least expect it, the world gets right again.” -Meredith Grey

55. “Shut up. Dance it out.” -Cristina Yang

56. “We may only be together five minutes every two months, but when we do we will savor every second. We know how valuable those five minutes are.” -Ben Warren

57. “My good relationships started out as friends and then became more and then ya know, died...screaming.” -Maggie Pierce

58. "Knowing is better than wondering, waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying." -Meredith Grey

59. “There comes a point when you have to suck it up and stop whining and start living” -Callie Torres

60. “Please don’t give up on me. Promise. Promise me you won’t.” -Arizona Robbins

61. “Bad things happen, but you have to move past it. Leave it behind. The sooner, the better. Or it’ll eat away at you and stop you from moving forward.” -Miranda Bailey

62. “Yes, horrible things do happen. Happiness, in the face of all of that, that's not the goal. Feeling horrible, and knowing that you're not gonna die from those feelings, that's the point.” -Katherine Wyatt

63. “This is the way the world changes. Good people, raising babies right” -Catherine Avery

64. “The problem is we are human. We want more than to just survive. We want to love.” -Lexie Grey

65. Why does it feel so good to get rid of things? To unload? To let go? Maybe because when we see how little we actually need to survive, it makes us realize how powerful we actually are. To strip down to only what we need. To hang on to only what we can't do without. Not just to survive, but to thrive. -Meredith Grey

66. "You know, he’s acting like I committed a crime. Like my apartment is full of stolen goods. He’s acting like I kept my apartment to hide stolen goods, so I could do illegal organ transplants for money." -Cristina Yang

67. When we follow our hearts, when we choose not to settle. It's funny, isn't it? A weight lifts, the sun shines a little brighter, and for a brief moment, we find a little peace. -Meredith Grey

68. "There's a club. The Dead Dads Club. And you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize. But until you feel that loss... My dad died when I was nine. George, I'm really sorry you had to join the club." -Cristina Yang

69. The body is a slave to its impulses. But the thing that makes us human is what we can control. After the storm, after the rush, after the heat of the moment has passed, we can cool off and clean up the messes we made. We can try to let go of what was. -Meredith Grey

70. It'll hurt every time you think of her. But over time, it will hurt less and less. And eventually you'll remember her and it will only hurt a little. -Cristina Yang

71. “I’m going to die because these people aren’t properly trained” -Derek Shepherd

72. "I'm up there waiting for you to come down the aisle and... I know you don't want to come. If I loved you, I wouldn't be up there waiting for you. I would be letting you go." -Preston Burke

73. “I believe if you were dead, the world would be a better place” -George O’Malley

74. “You think you broke me, little grey? You’re the one who put me back together.” -Mark Sloan

75. “Why do we even try when the barriers are so high and the odds are so low? Why don’t we just pack it in and go home?” -Amelia Shepherd

76. Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation, of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to state's of bliss, the more confused we get - to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were. Until it eventually hits us, it's been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar. -Meredith Grey

77. “Grief may be a thing we all have in common but it looks different on everyone. It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life, it’s loss, it’s change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, it has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. That’s how you stay alive when it hurts so much you can’t breathe. That’s how you survive. By remembering that one day somehow, impossibly, it won’t feel this way. It won’t hurt this much. Grief comes in it’s own time for everyone in it’s own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes and let it go when we can.” -Meredith Grey

78. “I want so much for you. For both of us. So much more than this. More than being stuck with someone who feels stuck. I want you to feel free.” -Callie Torres

79. “Whoever said, "What you don't know can't hurt you." was a complete and total moron. Sometimes not knowing is the worst thing in the world.” -Meredith Grey

80. “Picture the life you dreamed of living. Are you living the life you envisioned for yourself? Are you who you wanted to be when you grew up?” -Meredith Grey

81. “Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then look around. Drink it in, 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.” -Meredith Grey

82. “Every kiss before the right kiss doesn’t count anyway” -Derek Shepherd 83. “The expected is what keeps us steady. It’s the unexpected that changes our lives forever.” -Meredith Grey

84. “Promise that you’ll love me, even when you hate me.” -Meredith Grey

85. "The problem is, fairytales don't come true. It's the nightmares that always seem to become the reality." -Meredith Grey

86. “How are you fine? How are you just completely fine? I am ruined, okay? I am dead, I am wrecked." -Cristina Yang

87. “I didn’t like teenage girls when I was a teenage girl.” -Cristina Yang

88. “Do not alarm the makers of the tiny humans. They will eat you.” -Arizona Robbins

89. “I’m a better woman than you.” -Mark Sloan

90. “So you fight. Until you can’t fight anymore.” -Amelia Shepherd

91. “Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. Live or die. Hero or coward. Fight or give in. I’ll say it again to make sure you hear me. The human life is made up of choices. Live or die. That’s the important choice. And it’s not always in our hands.” -Derek Shepherd

92. "Breakthroughs don't happen because of the medicine. Real breakthroughs happen because someone is scared to death to stop trying." -Derek Shepherd

93. “Don’t analyze everything. Just do it.” -Alex Karev

94. “Some lies aren’t lies. They’re love.” -Meredith Grey

95. “That’s where love exists, in delusional fantasies.” -Meredith Grey

96. “It's you and me, the plastics posse. Kicking ass and taking names.” -Mark Sloan

97. “I’m a superstar. A superstar with a scalpel.” -Callie Torres

98. "We don't get unlimited chances to have the things that we want, and this I know. Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life." -Addison Montgomery

99. "Friends are the family we choose." -Meredith Grey

100. "Don't ever date a man who can't handle your power." - Meredith Grey


Cover Image Credit: Closer Weekly

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I Want To Be Embraced, But Touch Triggers Me

A poem about touch.

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views

I want to be embraced, but touch triggers me,

Because with touch comes vulnerability.

Touch has the power to lift you yet can destroy you if it's unwanted.

We touch to feel, but the longingness to feel something—a body that isn't yours--takes the good feeling away.

It breaks you.

Over and over again you try to train your mind to tell itself that every touch is not bad; every touch won't leave you crying on the bathroom floor asking why this happened to you.

Every touch won't deprive you of your appetite.

Every touch won't leave you numb like you are when you're reminded of the person who took it all away from you.

Every touch is not meant to harm you the way their touch did.

Every touch isn't meant to break you.


I want to be embraced, because it can make me feel safe

It tells me that I am understood—

Not a body for someone to conquer, but one to nurture.

To be embraced is to be loved—by someone, by something.

But when being embraced turns so quickly into being touched, the safety net disappears.


I want to find refuge in your touch, but touch triggers me.

Because with touch came the conquering of my body

With touch, I was left to pick up the pieces of myself, alone.

With touch, I lost sight of my own.


I want to be embraced, but touch triggers me.

Because I'm reminded of the unwanted ones.

I want to be embraced and touched by you, but it's hard to differentiate between the two

The good from bad- the nurturing from the conquering.

They say boys will be boys, but the parents who taught their boys to be boys, turned into men who left unhealed wounds

Touch triggers me, but I don't want it to.

I want to be loved by you.

My mind says to let go and let you.

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