Why am I always the one to reach out –
Always the first one to start the conversation?
Throughout my younger days,
I had struggled to make friends.
I was very often alone.
I was taught that this shouldn't be good for me,
That I should have friends my own age –
Ones I can always feel free to talk to,
Ones I can hold onto through the years,
Ones I am sure to count on when the going gets tough…
Such a far cry than I am left with now.
The friends I had tried to make through the years never really stuck,
Or even the ones that did stick never stuck the way I wanted them to,
So I wasn't so much the issue –
At least in the way I used to believe so –
The problem was not just life,
But also the "friends" themselves –
Their willingness to keep close never really amounted to my own willingness to do so.
Even the ones I felt –
And still feel –
The need to hold onto,
I've always tried to hold onto them –
For my own sake.
All I got going for me is being the first one to reach out –
And not the other way around.
Would the Fates of life cut me a break,
And bring in the true friends I know I'm meant to have?
True friends have loads to talk about –
Anything from the shows on TV to the finest things in this thing called "life" –
Anything and everything.
True friends have each other's back –
Through thick and thin –
From the laughs over the trivial mishaps to the rejections and setbacks that stare us in the face.
True friends always reach out –
By text or even by way of personal letter if that written art still exists –
Or even if I may not prefer to reach out by call,
I will call if it means starting up a long-overdue conversation of days long since passed…
Because true friends aren't a one-way street –
They require communication from both sides of equal measure.
I no longer want to be the one who's always yearning for so much more –
Be it romantic or even strictly platonic.
That's the thing with true friends –
They start out as friends,
And then they leave the door open for that kind of closeness –
Not all, but certainly more cases than none altogether –
And the conversations would never have to end…