"When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump, otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life" (Abel Morales).
I've been waiting for this moment since the end of my freshman year of high school: leaving for college. Leaving the town I grew up in. Leaving my overprotective, loving, hilarious family. Leaving the friends that grew and made mistakes with me. Leaving the old me and introducing the new me, the latest version of my ever-changing, ever-growing, ever-mistake-making self to unknown individuals from all over the world. In approximately one week I will be settling into my sooty, dull dorm room — of course, I have already gathered all the supplies to brighten up the room. However, let's be real, it's still just a dreary square capacity that possesses years of sweat, tears, and sighs from previous newcomers. I've been anticipating the time when I can start over and meet new people; nonetheless, now that this time is approaching, I am reluctant to shed a new light on myself. How will I introduce myself to new friends? What exactly do I want to change? How exactly will I "carpe diem?"* Despite not having definite answers just yet, I'm confident that I will tackle each challenge confidently and with a smile.
As my fingers briskly strike the germane letters on the keyboard, my eyes glance up to meet George Shaw's words boldly printed:
"Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself."
I regard Shaw's pledge as true, however, how many chances will I receive to mess up as I mold myself into the being I desire to become? As my new beginning imminently commences, I beam at the thought of the new, possibly strange, scary, senseless experiences I will undergo. My mother will no longer be right by my side to criticize one decision in comparison to another. My father will no longer be right by my side to hug me when I mess up. My brother will no longer be right by my side to provide useless but thoughtful advice. And my dog will no longer be right by my side licking each tear as it descends down my cheek. Like any other human, I make mistakes. I know that I will continue to do so and I'm not afraid. Each mistake comes with a lesson that shapes me into a more mature young lady.
I also ponder who I want to surround myself with since I never really had the choice to select my own friends. I had the same friends since pre-school, and by my senior year of high school, I couldn't stand my uptight community, which, by the way, was one of the inspirations for Mark Waters' "Mean Girls."
Although I lived in a close-knit community, secrets could be unearthed at every corner of every one-acre plot of land. Judging. Gossiping. Smirking. Any and all negative actions can be located in my hometown, and I want nothing to do with it. On my new road, I am determined to find outgoing, kind-hearted, weird friends. Friends that will last forever. Friends that will jump and sing around a room with me. Friends that will pick me up when I'm upset instead of pushing me further down. Yeah, this sounds about right.
I'm approaching this new chapter in my life with the aspiration to become more outgoing, more inclusive, more cheerful, more analytic, and more confident than I already am. There is always room for improvement and even as an individual, I can always make a change and motivate others to better this world. As the saying goes, "The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones that do."
Growing up, I was extremely shy and would have had a heart attack if I even thought about stepping out of my comfort zone. I definitely regret this and wish that I tackled my challenges head on. Today, I may still be the same anxious wreck, but I want to explore my surroundings, expand myself beyond boundaries I have previously placed upon myself, excite others as I share stories and advice from lessons I have learned.
Overall, I am definitely prepared for my new beginning. My arms are wide open and ready for anything that life throws at me. I'm not running from any challenges anymore. I'm not afraid of "change" anymore. I will reinvent myself as I confront myself and those around me. Here I am, and there is nothing else to do but jump.* A Latin adage meaning "seize the day."
