How To Keep The Spark Alive In Your Long-Distance Relationship

How To Keep The Spark Alive In Your Long-Distance Relationship

Things I've learned and practice doing to keep my long distance relationship strong.

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As I was talking to a friend the other night I thought I'd write about the most important things that have kept me strong in my long-distance relationship. It has been almost two years that I have been dating my high school boyfriend, Brandon. With the majority of time being in college, I figured I could give a little bit of insight on how we have stayed strong.

Communication

I believe this is the most important factor of any healthy relationship. You need to talk to your significant other. For long distance, you have to develop the same skill of talking and touching base with people even if they are not physically with you.

To do this you can use the phone, facetime, skype, texting, or even writing letters. The letters may be a little old fashion but, I still do this as an extra way to communicate because I feel that it is really personal. It makes me feel so loved to receive a note, so it inspires me to share that same love back with people in my life that are meaningful.

Staying Connected

This point is similar to communicating but, it's staying connected. For example, I want to know what Brandon is doing and I get excited for him to tell me about it. The same goes for him, he wants to know what's going on in my life too. I think that this is healthy if you care about people, you check in on them and support them (even though we are not physically together).

I've learned to make a priorities list. After leaving high school, it can sometimes be so hard to stay in contact with your significant other or just friends. If you are both on the same page knowing how much time and effort needs to be put in and are willing to adjust your schedules, you can do it. It isn't that we are always perfect at this, but you have to make this effort. For example, I typically always talk to B at night because he plays baseball in the morning and then has classes after, so while we're both at school I know and have in my schedule that we talk at night. For us, this works for us and is the easiest. So, I would recommend figuring out your schedule, discuss theirs, and from there making the time and effort to stay connected.

Friendship

To keep your long distance relationship going I would say you have to be pretty compatible friends. You will see pretty quick that since you aren't always together, that if it is just something physical or convenient that it will not work out. I know from friends experiences that your relationship will crumble if you're not well rooted in a friendship first and foremost.

Similar Values

All is easier when you have the same values as the person you are dating. How are things going to work out when you don't see eye to eye on important issues and value the same things? This doesn't mean that you will agree on everything, quite frankly I would hate that; it would be like we were the exact same person and would never have anything to talk about. So expect differing opinions, but don't ever compromise on your values. Definitely a good thing to discuss for a healthy relationship!
Ideas of different values / some of ours
- Honesty and authenticity - growth
- Work ethic - faith
- Laughter - happiness
- Kindness - being healthy and active
-Friendship - respect

Balance/Trust

Having a relationship can be hard whether you are near or far. As I said before, communication is important, however, you still need to find some balance and trust in your relationship. If you are going to be away from each other and not have to worry about what decisions they are going to make, trust must be the forerunner in the relationship.

Personally, B and I are both in college and while we are both figuring out life, I know that there is a piece of him also with me here and that we are growing in this new adventure together. This is the way that I like to look at the situation. It makes life easier being apart and makes me feel good. I have found that this has actually strengthened our relationship. While it may be hard at times, the distance has also let us focus on ourselves and built us into better, smarter people that in the end will be better for each other.

Support

I think this a key point: that you should be with someone who supports you. Someone that is going to lift you when you fall. I would say that it is essential to both have the mindset to help each other grow into better people. Every day, apart or together, it is a desire and goal of mine to become a better version of myself. I want to do this for my boyfriend and all my friends. I need someone who is going to support me and inspire me to reach that potential, especially when I don't see it in myself. I think this is important in any relationship, that it brings you up and makes you better... not the opposite.

In your relationship, you need for your partner to be encouraging and seek to help you.

Beware!!!

Side note: One of my fears is to actually just be comfortable with someone so long that your love dies and that you just have no care for each other. I know this happens to people and that nothing is changing or growing inside either of them... don't do this.

Work

Overall it is going to be hard work to keep a relationship going, but it is worth it if both people are dedicated. Just remember, it is very possible and a lot of people are in the same situation as you. Essentially, being apart for so much time makes your time together better. On breaks, it is so much more satisfying and enjoyable to see each other because it has been so long. I've realized from this experience that your relationship can actually become strengthened and that you are more grateful in the end.

Hope this helps + inspires!

xoxo

Ally

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All The Things I've Learned Since The Day My Heart Was Broken

The most important thing to remember is to never give up on yourself or the idea of love after you've been hurt.

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The other night I was driving and an old song came on that I used to listen to on repeat after I got my heart broken a few years ago. However, this time while listening to it I didn't feel the hurt like I used to. This time, after a few years have gone by, I realized what my past heartbreak has taught me.

Sometimes people do not have the same intentions as you do. Right from the beginning of a relationship, you have to be assertive and make sure you two are on the same page, to avoid being hurt. I know this can be awkward when you're getting to know someone, but trust me it can save you a lot of time in the long run. It's always important to know you and that person are sharing mutual feelings. Communication is really important in any relationship, really.

Always remember that even if you're being 100% honest with someone, it doesn't always mean they're being 100% honest with you. If someone has lied to you in the past, that is not because of anything you have done. Liars will be liars. People will hide things, manipulate you, and use hurtful words to belittle you. So despite what anyone might say, you most likely did nothing to deserve that. If someone has hurt you in the past, they're most likely just so insecure about themselves that they have to find a way to take out their anger on someone who doesn't deserve it.

You could be the most caring, thoughtful, and kind person and still be cheated on, lied to, and taken advantage of. This shows a lot about that person's character. Not everyone will have the same kind-hearted intentions as you. There's never a way for you to predict that a relationship will go south. In the beginning, you have so much trust and faith in this person and the relationship you hope to have. But your intentions and vision for the future can be completely different from someone else's. Sometimes, you don't learn this until after the relationship ends and you're left being hurt.

The thing I want to stress the most is that this heartbreak will teach you SO much about yourself. Typically, after a heartbreak, you will blame yourself. You ask yourself what you did wrong and what's wrong with yourself that someone didn't want you. We immediately think it's because of us that things went wrong. This is not the truth! Never blame yourself for being too naive or trusting in someone. When you begin a relationship, you always want to have a certain level of openness. There's nothing wrong with wearing your heart on your sleeve. But over time, after you've experienced heartbreak, you become closed off and afraid to open up to anyone in fear of being hurt again.

I want to emphasize the fact that we cannot close off our hearts forever. A little amount of apprehensiveness is healthy. However, don't give up on love forever. One day, I have so much faith that you will find someone who won't hurt you. You'll find someone who sees your flaws and loves them. There will be someone who will share the same goals and visions as you. Someone who is your better half, and understands you. This might happen within a week, month, a year... You can never be sure when you'll experience this type of love.

All I can say is that your heartbreak from the past only existed to build you strong enough to find your real and loving relationship. Heartbreak happens; not to tear you down and destroy your outlook on love. You have to be hopeful that there is happiness for you, whether that be in a relationship with family, friends, or a loved one. Finding love may not be your ultimate goal, but believe me, love will find you. Love will find a way into your heart whether that be through your passions or hobbies.

Heartbreak doesn't mean you have to tear yourself apart. It means you find yourself. You learn that you are so strong. You kept pushing through life even when you felt defeated and humiliated. You continued to smile on days where you wanted to stay in bed all day. You kept going, even when people made you feel less about yourself. Heartbreak isn't easy and it's never ideal but it's not avoidable. It just makes us stronger and makes us realize what we deserve. Never stop seeking the love you deserve. No matter how old you are, or where you are in life just remember that love will find you.

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It's A Blessing And A Curse Having A Long-Distance Best Friend, But Remember This

She's your person. She just happens to be far away.

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You've heard all the cliché quotes: "Your best friend is like the stars, you can't always see her, but you always know she's there." And it's easy to roll your eyes because it doesn't make it any easier when you're having a bad day and all you want is a hug from your go-to girl, but she's thousands of miles away.

It isn't easy to have a long-distance best friend. And sometimes it can feel like the biggest inconvenience and curse, but other times it's the biggest blessing.

First, it teaches you to not take anything for granted and cherish the times you do have together.

You might not get to see each other all the time, and sometimes it can be months without seeing each other but when you do get together it's like no time has passed and you both know to cherish all the hugs and face-to-face contact because it won't last forever. It also helps you appreciate the friends you do get to see every day and not take them for granted because they're awesome too!

Second, it's always good to have someone far away to talk to.

Sometimes life is hard, or someone gets on your nerves and you just need to rant but you never want to risk it getting back to them. Having that best friend who will love you and listen to you rant and threaten to come and kill anyone hurting you even though they've never met any of the people you're talking about is truly a gift.

Third, you know that your friendship can last anything.

If you live thousands of miles away and can still call her your best friend; chances are it's going to last a lifetime. It's not always easy to figure out time zones, or class schedules, or to make time to talk on a regular basis. But they're your person still. You know they will always be there for you and you will always be there for them. You might not be able to go on late night ice cream runs or watch your favorite shows and movies together, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter because you would do anything for each other and the long distance is worth it to call her your best friend.

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