Life Is Rarely Coincidental: Advice From A Funeral Director
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Life Is Rarely Coincidental: Advice From A Funeral Director

My aunt has lots of advice. LOTS. Most gleaned from her 25 years in the funeral industry.

Life Is Rarely Coincidental: Advice From A Funeral Director

My aunt, like many others in my family, is very insightful. Her experience as a funeral director allows her to have pretty darn good life advice, even though she deals with an abundant amount of death. I have decided to switch up my article this week. Therefore, the rest of this article will be told from my Aunt Jbone's POV.


Life is rarely coincidental (bonus advice).

Last night my niece, who would usually write this article, asked (informed, told) me that I needed to give her my top five pieces of advice as a funeral director. Given my age: I took pen to paper. Earlier that day, I was wondering if she ever had guest writers.

I have lots of advice. LOTS. Most gleaned from my 25 years in the funeral industry. I like to call myself an undertaker. Google undertaker, and you will get the full lineup of WWE stars. Scroll down (I'll wait). You will click "more results" three times before you arrive at's definition of:


[ uhn-der-tey-ker for 1; uhn-der-tey-ker for 2 ]

1. funeral director

2. a person who undertakes something

Click again to get to Middle English:


1. to take upon one's self, as a task, performance, etc; attempt

2. to promise,

3. to warrant or guarantee

4. to take in charge, as time the duty of attending to

American English sucks. Middle English ROCKS.

In the beginning, we were barbers and carpenters. Seriously! Both of which are trades. Here in the great state of Ohio, one is required to obtain a professional license. Pinkies up. But trust me on this, it is a trade. I spent (in 2019 dollars) $50,000 plus books to get my degree. A barber's tuition including books is $11,000.

We are important, but not because we have a professional license. More so because we step in when almost everyone else steps out. Have you ever seen a T.V show when the emergency room is in mass chaos to keep someone alive? Then the time of death is announced, and everyone walks out, leaving the patient, who is now referred to as deceased, alone, until someone without professional titles and degrees comes in to put them in a bag and take them to the morgue for storage. Fun fact: when you are alive, you have rights, and when you are dead, you become property. You can go ahead, put those pinkies back down.

This leads to my first piece of advice. It is very simplistic:

1. Don't take life too seriously.

You don't survive, you live.

2. Find something you love and get paid to do it.

You will always enjoy going to work. Even bad days aren't really bad because you are doing something you love. Keep in mind, money does not equal happiness in a job. I promise this.

3. The more of yourself you give away, the more complete you become.

If you feel depressed, go do something for someone. It doesn't have to be big. Hold a door or carry a grocery bag to a car. Go interact and give someone a helping hand. The person you help most will be yourself.

You will find all of my advice is self-serving. This is intentional. If you don't take care of you, number one (above) will happen sooner rather than later.

4. Don't you DARE regret anything. Don't let one more minute pass without you telling everyone you care about that you care about them.

In my family, you know you are loved by how much you are teased. If I died right now, not one person would say, "I wonder what she thought of me?" Trust me, they know. Be it good or bad, they know. My sister, with whom "I love you" is never exchanged, knows that I do. My ex-husband knows how I feel about him, and believe it or not, it's love. My father, well, he's a douche, but again, no questions as to my feelings.

5. Err on the side of kindness.

Always, always, ALWAYS choose kindness. You will never be wrong. IT WILL MAKE YOU BETTER IN EVERY WAY. Don't wanna be nice to that asshole tall, soy, 1.5 pump, gingerbread, add whip, latte? Oh well, do it anyway. Kindness should always be the winner.

Disappointed by this article because you thought it was going to be more gore-mongering?

Maybe next time I can write about more hands-on, prep room kind of stuff, like how I clean off the residual blood and brain matter before I piece GSW suicide back together so his family can see him (statistically speaking it's always a him). There are truly life lessons in every aspect of this job.

Let Amber know if you want to read about that. *Wink.*

-Jbone SFSP

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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