A Letter To My Broken Engagement

Hello, I'm not sure you remember me but I am half of the engaged couple.

I haven't talked about you much and I'm sorry. A lot of people asked and I just let them know a little but I don't talk about you every day and for that, I am not sorry. You really hurt me, just because you were broken doesn't mean you had to break me! I was in love! And now.....well now it's a year later.

A year ago today I stood by the Navy Pier in Chicago. I looked down at a man that I thought I would love forever. Then you came along, you promised me something I could never truly have. You made me believe the lies and made me believe there was a future. I still have your natural form, the ring. The princess cut, the way the light shines off the glass, the way it fits my finger. I keep you in a little star box that was also a gift, on a date actually. But that night in Chicago, I never would have guessed what would happen next. The dinner, the lights, the dancing and the beautiful water that gave me hope, was all stripped.

November, Thanksgiving. I was thankful for you, our first holiday together with you. Again, the pain swallowed me like bait on a fishing line. I thought all of my dreams and my life was going to be beauitful. Now I am standing with you, only now I am alone. Your natural form is dirty to me. I keep you in that ceramic box so I don't have to look and wonder what if... what if I had given in? What if I hadn't pushed? What if we never loved at all? All these questions run in my mind and yet, I am calm. I am passed stressed, passed the crying and the pain, now I am calm, numb. The winters seem colder and the summers burn. This pain comes because I trusted you! I trusted that letting you in would make me happy! Now I sit in this damn dorm hurt and in pain! You aren't worth writing about but my feelings are....

I hate you now. I hate the thoughts of you with anyone else. How many relationships will you hold together like glue on popsicle sticks? How many times will you just sit in the door way of a relationship and wait for your turn to speak? You're a mooch, a coward, and a waste of my heart. You ruined me, and I hope you're proud.

Happy one year of heartache,


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