Truthfully, it's my junior year and I'm a little lost. This may sound like you because you're a college student as well. But when I say "lost," I mean something completely different--not my academic life. I am glad to say that I have finally understood what I want to pursue. I have a rough idea on where and how things will get done--and the rest will fall into place eventually.
Nonetheless, I'm still a little lost. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. In today's society, people are so open to change and positivity, it bewilders me. How can people embrace an optimistic attitude so easily? I'd wonder this on countless evenings and nights. It was so surprising to see so many people smile and enjoy the little things in life, especially those who I know have been going through a difficult time for a while.
I recently came across the profile of someone who treated me badly when I was younger, only to see them smiling and enjoying life. It was nice to see said person doing well, as I knew they were going through a tough family situation years ago. But I wonder, how much does it take to get to the point where you're content with life?
It seems like everyone is lost, but some of us are great at not letting our "lostness" become a part of our identity. And I admire that.
It is perfectly fine to be a little lost or really lost. With time, we find our way out of suffering or confusion because moving forward is innate; deeply rooted within us. As much as we hate being patient, our bodies push through each second, minute, and day to start another rough-draft-like-day.
When we get lost, we immediately turn to put the blame on either ourselves, someone else, something, or a situation. But if you don't have the opportunity to get lost, you will never have the opportunity to witness first-hand struggle.
I tend to miss my subway stops when I'm in midst of a thinking session. Sometimes wondering "why am I not good enough?" or "what can I do to be happier?" These unanswerable questions are those that no one can help me with. If I talk to a friend about it, I feel as if I am burdening them. If I talk to a family member, they are confused as to why I feel what I feel. I am convinced that I'll have to take this journey on my own and since I am doing this on my own, I'll allow myself to fall, crawl, and make it to the finish line that starts a new race to a new goal.
