I'm Shutting Down
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

I'm Shutting Down

Not the healthiest of ways to deal with anger, but here we are.

273
I'm Shutting Down
Super User

I shut down and I shut people out. This is probably one of the biggest flaws of myself and I know I have this problem. The first step is admitting it, right?

What I mean by this is that when I get mad or frustrated at something/someone, I shut down. I refuse to think anymore about that topic, or if I do think about it, I will not talk to you about my concerns about whatever it is I'm mad about. Why do I do this? I'm not really sure. Is it because I have to think about everything before I say it, so I'm just trying to even formulate an idea of what I am angry about, but the process takes too long so I just stay quiet? Is it because I just don't want to talk about it right now? Is it because I need a second (or a couple minutes) to just refocus on what's bothering me? I don't know, maybe it's a combination of all of these, plus more.

Sometimes I wish I could just yell what I'm thinking without putting too much thought into it, and on very rare occasions, I have, but this usually hurts me or the other person more. I would love to be able to throw a good toddler tantrum every once in a while when I'm angry, but it isn't so acceptable for a 21-year-old to be doing that.

I shut people out. This "ability" has really hurt me and those around me. I don't want to talk about what made me angry, but you, as the person who hurt me, is supposed to know exactly why I'm angry. I am bad at eye contact when I'm mad, because it usually just makes me cry, so instead, I stare at my hands or out the window, or literally anything besides you. I pick at my nails or I flick them, or I touch my necklace. All of this, mind you, by being as quiet as the dead.

I never said that it was logical for me to act this way, I know it isn't. It hurts me because I can't say what I want. But more importantly, it hurts the other person or the relationship that we have because they don't know what I want from them. They don't know why I'm hurting inside and what made me so upset. And these are the people that I truly care about and they care about me. I push them away when all I really want is to be taken into their arms and hugged. Or sometimes I need to be left alone, but I always want to return to them at the end of the day. And because of how I act, I screw that up. I

I also know that I can hold a grudge for a long time. It's part of the family gene pool, I'm convinced. I'll get mad at something that should have lasted five minutes, but I hold onto that for hours or days. This is another way of shutting people out because I sometimes can't let something go. I harbor some sort of sick hatred against people that don't deserve it, especially for an extended amount of time.

I shut down and shut people out, it's not healthy, but I'm working on it.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

77711
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

148810
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments