Some famous authors lived more promiscuous lives than others. But, whether they were frat stars or not in their real life, I like to imagine them as frat stars now. First up is Mark Twain:

Mark Twain: "To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence."
Frat Star Mark Twain: "To succeed in school, you need two things: bros and beer."

MT: "In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours."
FSMT: "In the Spring, I have counted 136 different sorority girls in bikinis inside of 24 hours."

MT: "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
FSMT: "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, blackball for fun."

MT: "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
FSMT: "The best way to cheer yourself up is to grab a beer with somebody else."

MT: "Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."
FSMT: "Good bros, good beer and a party every day: this is the ideal life."

MT: "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."
FSMT: *no revision needed*

MT: "Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself."
FSMT: "Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were an independent; but I repeat myself"

MT: "Never argue with a stupid person, they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience."
FSMT: "Never befriend an independent, they will bring you down to their level and make you wear cargo shorts."