I have never truly been comfortable in my own skin. Growing up, I was constantly wishing I was someone else. I wanted to be thinner, taller, all around prettier. I hated what I saw in the mirror. Sometimes I would let the mirror in the bathroom become foggy before I got inside of the shower just so I wouldn't have to see myself. Pathetic, right? Little did I know that confidence goes a long way.
I am my only critic.
My family and friends have never once told me that I was ugly or overweight, in fact, they have only told me the opposite. My parents would become angry when I talked about how I hated the way I looked and I realized that maybe they should be angry. I was beating myself up over things that I could not necessarily change, and over things that simply weren't and aren't true. Why was I doing this? Why do I continue to put myself down?
This mentality has had a lot of negative impact on my life.
It caused me to be extremely shy and definitely limited my ability to create new relationships. I spent a lot of time alone, didn't exercise, didn't try out for sports because I didn't think I was good enough, and my performance in school had also declined. It wasn't until junior year of high school that I slowly began to change. I told myself that I could get good grades if I wanted them and I earned over a 4.0 my final two years of high school. I became much more confident this way and realized that I could do anything if I set my mind to it. Although doing well in school did help me feel more in touch with who I am and what I can do, it didn't fix the way I felt about my body or the way I felt that others viewed me. I always feel like if I go out or participate socially that I will stand out in a negative way. This way of thinking made it very hard for me to have fun during my first year at college because I couldn't picture myself in a party setting having fun next to everyone else. Everyone was so confident and looked so good and it scared me. Why couldn't I feel this way?
When I first started to exercise, it was to lose weight.
In high school, I would walk on the treadmill for over an hour at a time. I couldn't really run and the section of the gym with weights scared me, so I walked. Although walking is an excellent way to exercise, I didn't feel anything from it. I didn't see real results and I became extremely bored with it. Until this past spring semester, I did not have a regular workout routine in place in my life. Although I now exercise to become more fit, I also do it to help myself mentally. It helps me clear my head, take a break from my day, and to focus on myself and to challenge myself. It has taken a lot of stress from my life and has made me feel like a stronger version of myself.
It is okay to love yourself.
I shouldn't be afraid to show off my loud, funny personality. I should go out and have fun and enjoy myself without fear of judgment that I assume I'll receive. I have learned that everyone has flaws. There are some things you simply cannot change. It is so important to accept yourself and to love yourself. Be confident! Unapologetically show the world how beautiful you are and they will see it too.
