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My Gripes With The TSA

On the fly article writing in the heart of JFK.

My Gripes With The TSA
Marc Anthony Brown

At the time of writing this, it's Wednesday, May 15th, 2019. I am writing this article in the middle of the infamous JFK International airport, just outside of New York City. I am running on one hour of sleep and so far, I am running somewhat efficiently. For some reason, I can't annunciate words for some reason. Anyway, why am I here at JFK? My mom thought it would be nice to take a vacation to San Juan Puerto Rico. I am never too fancy of traveling and was very doubtful we were able to afford it. But once I saw that email in my dorm room, I knew I was going. No, ifs and or butts. I like seeing new places, but the one thing I hate is traveling. If I had a superpower it would… well first it would be regeneration and then second would be long distance teleportation. Traveling is boring, it is why I don't head home from OU during the school year. I can't bare a three-hour drive. Now add flying on top of that, I am internally screaming.

Like I said, I am currently writing this in the middle of JFK airport. To get here I had to get past one of the most annoying things about the airport; the TSA. Now look, I understand why the TSA plague airports. Ever since September 11th, 2001 the United States has taken extreme measures on the "War on Terror". The United States seems to be one of the few countries in the world that actually have this much extensive security for not just TSA but organizations like the NYPD. Anyway, whether I liked them or not, I have to go through them if I wanted to get on this flight to New York from Cleveland.

So, I got in the TSA line around 6:20 am and already it was super long. Before I even got in the roped line area there was a certified TSA dog at the entrance. The dog was a little intimidating which is surprising because I am a dog person. I don't know if it's because it had a badge and can legally shoot me. But the more I watched the dog the more I wondered if he was just a trainee doggo or just dumb. He didn't seem to be doing a good job sniffling people. He rather sniffed the floor. I walked by the dog normally and entered the line. I look over and I just see the first TSA agent just saying in a demanding voice: "Just walk on through folks. Walk past the dog." I know not every employee is going to be nice, so I gave the guy the benefit of doubt. He just seemed to be an old and cranky man. I mean how often do you get a sniffing dog sniffing at you before entering the TSA Line. The other lines didn't seem to have it.

I continued along the line and slowly began taking stuff out of my bag. There were signs posted talking about how I needed to take my laptop and other stuff out of my bag. Understandable, I guess my wonderboom speaker could look like a small bomb on the X-Ray Screen. I got up to the TSA desk and I handed the lady my ticket and ID. She scanned the barcode and all that and then hesitated. She looked at the ID and then back at me and then let me go. I don't know if I should be honored or offended. I'm honored because my theory about Clark Kent's glasses working as a disguise has some validity now. But I am lowkey offended that this woman probably thought I was a terrorist or something because my ID didn't look immediately like me. I mean it was just glasses and a hat. If she wanted, I packed the same jacket in my bag and I can put it on like on my ID.

The metal detector was the last obstacle I needed to face and let me just say I never get through these without being stopped. Several years ago, when I was at Fort Lauderdale Airport I passed one of those high tech X-Ray machines where they scan me and see my bits and stuff. Everyone before me stepped through with no problem. But as soon as I stepped through the agent stopped me and made me look at the screen. Like what is fifteen-year-old Marc Anthony bringing on a plane? I just came back from Universal Studios. Fast-forward to present day I place my stuff on the conveyer belt and begin to approach the metal detector. I was expecting to take off my shoes and belt, but they didn't instruct me too. Which annoyed me because all morning I thought I was one step ahead of the TSA. What do I mean by that? Well, I didn't put on a belt today. It would be too much of a hassle to take it off and stuff. But apparently, they aren't scanning for that anymore? They have a sniffing dog to ensure safety but say screw it if Batman walked through with his utility belt.

So, they stop me, of course, and ask me if I have any metal. I have my phone but I'm looking at the sign and it's like you didn't say put phones on the conveyer belt! I prefer the pat down anyways, makes me feel like Wolverine from the X-Men films. So, I turn around, begrudgingly grab a bowl and put the phone in and walk through. And all through this ordeal, no one seemed friendly. I get it, people are stupid and need things repeated but it's almost like the TSA people are drill sergeants at a military base. But I made it through nonetheless and got to fly over Manhattan once again. And now I'm here, at the famous JFK International airport. I wonder how my vacation will go. I have some online orientation stuff to complete for my summer job at the zoo, going to try and read a book on the beach and maybe run on the treadmill. For all that, you need to check in to my next article.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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