1. You think that golf shoes are the coolest sports shoes because they're basically Oxford cleats.
I mean let's be real. You could meet the President in these shoes. (Not that you actually would. You wouldn't risk damaging those snazzy cleats)
2. Furthermore, golf is, hands down, the most stylish sport.
Look at those guys. They're ready to check in at the Ritz.
3. It might also be the snobbiest.
"Quarter mil says you can't make par on this hole."
"Half mil and you've got yourself a bet."
4. But no matter who you are, you probably have a golf tan.
These are real people. Golf tans are legit, guys.
5. And no matter what you're doing, where you are, fore means heads up!!
Even with the professionals. Check it out here (with the sound ON). And even with the professionals it's just as embarrassing when hoards of fans have to scamper away screaming as they part like the Red Sea.
6. This is your worst fear...except with humans
That is the face of pure horror.
7. Screaming "I got an eagle!" doesn't mean you're a super-patriot.
It just means you're a super-golfer...get it?
8. This was you at one point
You've learned a lot from that day.
9. Now look at you
That's the kind of shot you have to whistle and make a visor with your hand for
10. Just kidding, this is probably you.
On the daily.
11. Like, same.
"Hm. Well. Would you look at that, Shirley. How in the world..."
12. Speaking of, you know how to fix a divot like a pro.
"Oops. Darn. Nobody saw that. Lemme just fill it in real quick. Pat it down like a pro. Don't worry, fans, I meant to do that. Just practicing my divot filling in skills."
13. You often want to kill yourself.
"Not. Again. Darn. It. Nobody saw it. Nobody saw it. Deep breaths. You're better than this."
14. Honestly, same
Who hasn't wanted to rip apart their golf glove like a wild animal??
15. I feel that.
"Oh, look. The ball fizzled out just like my dreams of becoming a professional golfer."
16. You have a ~routine~
"Nope. Almost there. Wait! I missed it. Sorry. The club's not ready yet. The grips not right. There we go. Almost there. Nope."
17. Sometimes it's a little extreme
"Don't laugh. Don't laugh. Oooh, God. Okay look at the bird over there. Keep it together, Larry. You are a caddy, for goodness sake."
18. Golfers are superstitious OKAY??
You okay, Charles??
19. Golf etiquette is a serious thing
Repair. Your. Ball. Marks.
20. There are the spoken rules.
Please, for the love of God, rake out your footprints!!
21. Then there are the unspoken ones.
22. You beg people to take care of the golf course so it can look like this all the time and be absolutely beautiful.
*Angels descend from Heaven* *Trumpets blare* *The clouds part and holy light shines down upon the pin*
23. You know the Brians...
Just watch it.
24. From the Tigers...
Just by their stance. And how obnoxious they are.
25. But you also know that everyone has their bad days.
Tip: watch it with the sound ON.
26. And their unlucky days.
I have no words for this except...I'm so sorry.
27. You've got golf smarts.
You actually go inside when the clubhouse sounds the siren.
And you're smart enough not to be the guy driving the RC car.
28. And, finally, you know you're a golfer when it's actually fun!
So go out there and have fun!
