If you're a member of Greek Life at Illinois State or have ever been to an event at a fraternity house, you know the struggle of using the bathroom. Obviously, when 20+ college men share a house, bathroom cleanliness is not a top priority. In my four years at Illinois State, I've gotten a grasp of what to expect when you step foot into a fraternity bathroom. The criteria they are being judged on is the number of bathrooms, overall cleanliness, the supply of toilet paper and hand soap. Below are the ISU frat bathrooms ranked "greatest" to grossest.
Address: 805 Franklin Ave.
Tucked away from the busy traffic of campus are the men of Farmhouse and their surprisingly clean bathrooms. You can find two half baths located on the main floor of their T-shaped house. There is always a hefty supply of toilet paper and hand soap. Bonus: Occasionally, you can find paper towels for drying and a wastebasket.
Address: 603 Broadway St.
The second "greatest" frat bathroom if you don't mind waiting in line is none other Sigma Pi. There are two bathrooms in this house, located on the main floor and the lower level. The main floor bathroom of their house has toilet paper, soap, and a towel — but I wouldn't recommend using the towel. It smells like it has been cleaned once or twice and has a large mirror for selfies. The basement bathroom is identical to the main floor, but with a shower. Diving down into the downstairs dew might be worth it in the long run for shorter lines and privacy.
Pi Kappa Phi
Address: 410 S. Oak St.
This lovely frat palace located blocks from Pub II is blessed with two bathrooms on the upstairs and one in the basement. An interesting thing about this house is their generous supply of urinals — good thing men live there. You'd think the floors are clean with how wet they are constantly, but their soap is unheard of. If you haven't mastered the "wiggle" in place of wiping, don't be afraid to ask a brother for toilet paper when they're out. He'll retrieve some from his room for you, like a gentleman.
Address: 302 E. Mulberry St.
Though Sigma Nu doesn't live at this location anymore, it deserves recognition. If you could wait in line long enough without peeing your pants, you'd be met with a spacious bathroom with one toilet, a bathtub, and two sinks at your disposal because people urinated in all of those areas. If you really gotta go or needed a breath of fresh air, I would've recommended the semi-circle shaped bush located on the right side of the house for its "privacy."
Address: 400 W. Willow St.
Something unique about the FIJI house is they have a women's bathroom in the basement. If you're brave enough to adventure down there, bring a squad, because the door doesn't have a lock. The bathroom on the main floor is pretty standard. If you would like a little more privacy and a locking door, I'd recommend that one. Steer clear of the bathroom on the top floor. It always smells like sweaty boys, and there's always some layer of sticky liquid coating the floor.
Address: 608 S. Broadway St.
The rectangle-shaped, Acacian frat castle is stacked with three bathrooms — one on each level of the house. Follow either staircase at the ends of the hallway to the upstairs bathroom. It's a basic, coed, communal style with four stalls, four showers, and four sinks. The bathroom on the main level of the house right off the kitchen is a little more private with a locking door. If you're bold enough to use the bathroom in the basement, good luck because the door doesn't shut. Toilet paper is scarce, hand soap is unheard of, and the smell will! If you can't wait in line.
Alpha Sigma Phi
Address: 711 Kingsley St.
And, the grossest frat bathroom at ISU goes to... Alpha Sig! Hopefully, you don't mind drying your hands on shower curtains because that's the norm for these boys. There are two double bathrooms open to the public on the top floor and the main floor with two toilets each, and two single bathrooms located in the basement. There's never toilet paper or soap, and most of the time at least one toilet is clogged and probably overflowing. If you're tight enough with the guys to know of the "secret bathroom," I'd recommend using that one because it's always supplied with soap, towels, and loads of toilet paper. On the upside, all of the bathrooms have working locks and they have the best mirror selfie lighting out of all the fraternities at ISU.