Grade school and Jr. High were the absolute worst. Getting called "The Fat Girl" is something no girl would ever forget. Constantly being frustrated with the way I looked and never feeling "up to standards" was exhausting. Some people get a workout routine, start to eat healthier, maybe even go as far as cosmetics, but for some it might be getting a boyfriend.
My sophomore year in high school I decided that I no longer wanted to play volleyball which was a sport I had played for so long. Volleyball became part of who I was, those games you would play on the first day of school where the teacher asks, "Tell me your first name and one fact about you," my answer was always "I'm Savvi and I play volleyball." After I quit, it was almost like my identity had been robbed and I had to figure out who I was all over again. Without volleyball I had a lot more free time, which meant more time to spend on a boyfriend that I had. I was head over heels for this guy, I mean it was the first boy who had ever really paid attention to me, so of course I was more than flattered. Although the hardest part about being in a relationship with this guy was him being an athlete, and not me. With him being in the best shape I felt like I needed to be on his level, I couldn't be the "fat girlfriend". So it began, I would eat only one yogurt or banana for the day, and then run two miles with additional sprints or ab workout, but of course come home and eat dinner because I didn't want my family to know what was going on (even though the changes were obvious). This routine lasted a month and I dropped 20 pounds like it was nothing. My parents became concerned and started to question me about what I was packing in my lunches, and if I was actually eating it once I got to school. Everyone at school was starting to notice and comment about how good I looked, but the one person I was actually trying to impress never said a word. So after all of that, trying to convince myself I didn't need to eat and working out like crazy, the guy I was dating was hardly impressed.
I am not sharing this for sympathy, because at that time I was proud of what I had "accomplished". I am sharing this because I want young girls to know that not eating is NOT the answer. I am lucky enough that it didn't become extreme or severely damaging, but it did damage the way I viewed my self worth. There I was striving to try and find my self worth through this guy. I spent so much time focused on what I couldn't eat and how much I had to run that, that is who I became. I did all of this for someone else instead of trying to better myself in the correct way for my well being. I didn't want to wait for results I wanted them fast, and that is where I went wrong. Not only that but I also should have been trying to find my self worth through Jesus Christ, because we are beautifully and wonderfully made through the image of HIM. When you stand in the mirror and critique everything you think is wrong with you, you are taking credit away from the one who created the entire earth, the one who loves you enough to die for you!
Over time I am still learning how to be happy with who I am and how I look. Over time I have also learned that people look at you totally differently than you look at yourself. When you finally realize that your self worth does not come from guys or other people, living life will be much easier and a lot less stressful! No matter how much you change your physical appearance there will always be a flaw that you can find about yourself. Learn to be happy with the way you are, eat healthy and excersie because it's good for you not to find validation from others!
