The last month of my life hasn't been an easy one — for a wide spectrum of reasons, some big, some small, and none of which are anybody's fault or within my control.

At this point, everything that can be done has been done. All I can do now is wait and pray.

For the last few weeks, I've let my circumstances consume me. I've let my anxiety control my mind. I've tried holding it all together every second of every day, only to realize that I will never be able to do that. I have constantly wracked my brain with every possible scenario and every possible "what if."

Although these past few weeks have been a struggle, I have grown closer to God in ways I never imagined.

My relationship with him has grown 10 times more intimate, trusting and strong. I know better than to think that this was just a coincidence. I know God broke me down in order for him to build me back up, closer to him.

I am somebody who hates not knowing how something is going to turn out. I need to know what to expect; I need to know the outcome. The thing with faith is, you can't always know. In order to build a stronger faith, I realized that I have to quit trying to figure out the future and trust in God instead.

I am having faith in the waiting. I am embracing the struggle, knowing that every day I am growing closer to God and becoming stronger in my faith.

I pray religiously (pun not intended). I have always prayed, but my reasons for praying are now different.

I no longer only pray when times are good, and I no longer pray for what I want. I pray because of who God is.

My God is always good, even when life is not. I have learned to praise him during the storm and to follow his lead blindly. I can only see my current situation, but he can see the rest of my life. I have full trust and faith in God like I have never had before.

I truly believe that, sometimes, God has to take things away and break you down in order to build you back up, stronger and for his purpose.

Sometimes, you need to lose your job in order to find a better one. Sometimes, you and your boyfriend need to spend some time apart in order to be better for each other in the future. Sometimes, you have to get into a horrible fight with your parents in order to talk about the things that need to be talked about.

Sometimes, God has to strip you down to remind you that he is there and that you cannot live without him.

I was so focused on the negativity in my life, but one morning, I felt as if God was shaking me saying, "Look at how good your life still is! Look at the people around you trying to love and support you. Let them! I still have so much use for you."

It was a change in perspective. I have wonderful friends and family to pour myself into. I have goals I want to achieve. I recently reached out to my local sexual assault support center because that is an organization I have always wanted to get involved with.

You have so much opportunity to grow when you struggle.

My life may not be super great right now, but I know that it will be. I know that because I know God.

I am focusing on the things I know are true, the people I know I love, the person I know I'm supposed to be and the people I know I'm supposed to be with. That is what is true, not the lies and "what ifs" that I tell myself.

I know things will get better because of who my Father is. I know he loves me too much to continue to let me and the people I care for suffer. Until things get better, I will have patience and faith in the waiting.