2011 was a sad year for all: Ashton Kutcher joined “Two and a Half Men,” NASA ended its space shuttle program, and Phil Collins retired from the music industry and opted to spend the rest of his days wearing vests and writing books about the Alamo ($65.99 on Amazon). Dwell not on shadows of the past, however, for 2015 is bringing a brighter future. Yes, Phil Collins is returning to music.
If you’re a head-bopping, music-loving, soul-possessing human, you’re probably thinking, I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh, Lord. Believe it or not, there are some people on this planet who are not totally jazzed about Phil’s glorious comeback. In fact, they have launched a petition through the United Nations called, “Phil Collins must be stopped.” The creator of the petition claims that Collins must be stopped because “there is far too much suffering in the world as it is.” The petition already has over 4,000 supporters and anti-Phil sentiment has been rampant across the inter-webs.
Fortunately, Collins fans have created a counter petition called, “Phil Collins must be encouraged.” Though the name of the petition is significantly less catchy, it rings proud and true. Phil Collins must be encouraged, here’s why:
He is the everyman man.
In the past, people have criticized Collins for being arrogant and rude, but these accusations are greatly misplaced. Ne is not an egomaniac, rather, he is the corporeal representation of all living beings. He is the image of all mankind, rocking the dad bod and refusing to shy away from trendy glasses and form-fitting shirts. He marches to the beat of his own drum, but it’s a rhythm we can follow and revere. We love him. We fear him. We worship him. I’m not claiming he’s God or anything, but he strongly influenced Genesis and he did answer our prayers for his return, so who’s to say?
He saved Genesis.
I don’t want to get into a Gabriel-Collins debate, but we can all agree our eyes were better off never seeing this again.
He composed “In the Air Tonight.”
This lil’ ditty revitalized human existence. The drum solo near the end of the song popularized the use of gated reverb drums, transforming '80s pop music and earning Collins the title of “the fourth most influential rock drummer.” However, the true legacy of “In the Air Tonight” is Mike Tyson’s riveting performance in "the Hangover." It is truly life changing. Thank you, Phil Collins. Thank you, thank you.
He is responsible for the "Tarzan" soundtrack.
Phil Collins is Tarzan. Tarzan is Phil Collins. His music takes you on a journey, adding a spark of reality to an animated world. “You’ll Be In My Heart” sends tears down the cheek of the loving mother, “Son of a Man” drives adrenaline through the bloodstream of the reckless youth, and “Trashin' the Camp” was a musical collaboration between Phil Collins, NYSNC, and Rosie O’Donnell, which is something the world should never forget.
He shares a message worth hearing.
Sign this petition to support Phil Collins—he’s always there for you, it’s about time you’re there for him.
Phil, if you’re reading this, just know that “you’ll be in my heart (I’ll be there), always. Always.”
