I'm straight forward, headstrong and opinionated to the max. People often refer to me as a bitch and, at one point in my life, I took offense to that. But now I say unapologetically that I'm a bitch. And by that I mean that I can make decisions. I can plan out details and assign tasks. I can tell you the cold hard truth, if that is what you want. But just because I can doesn't mean I always want to.
Yes, I'm a bitch but that doesn't mean I don't have a heart.
I've been called scary by guys because I know what I want. I'm a threat that not all the guys of 2018 can handle, especially at this age within the headspace of college life. Am I ashamed of it? No. If you can't handle my spark, then that's a you problem. Am I annoyed with it? Yes.
I'll be honest, I'm not everyone's flavor; I'm more of an eclectic taste. Some days, I can be too much to handle, and I get that. But I'm curious as to why I'm always written off or tossed aside. I've got a heart of gold and a go-getter attitude. I know what I want and I'm not afraid to make that known. So, guys--what's the deal?
I'm independent; but sometimes I wish I weren't. Everyone assumes I hate all the co-dependent, lovey-dovey stuff (which, for the most part, is true...sorry, not sorry); however, I can be the world's biggest softy. I have the largest heart, which most people would never think. I hate seeing people hurt, especially those who are already at a disadvantage.
I was in an exit interview for my internship when I got told that I have a unique ability to keep everyone in the conversation and not make others feel left out; I take pride in that. The amount of times I've been pushed out of conversations has led me to realize that everyone just wants to be heard.
I have plans for my future. When I look towards my future, I can envision the job, the place, but there's always been this foggy cloud with whom my partner may be. My friends are there, along with my parents and family, but I never have a crystal clear vision of the guy I'm meant to spend my life with. The thought crosses my mind often. I know my plans, but does he?
Sam Smith says, "Real love is never a waste of time" and, often in this generation, commitment is hard to come by. Yet I see my friends getting MARRIED and living their lives with people they care so much about. I get confused; I've never been the girl who needs a boyfriend, and maybe that was because I really couldn't get one. I want love. Maybe it's the planner in me wanting to see the full picture in effect, or maybe it's just the stigma.
I know, I know--one day I will find him. Someday, it will all work out. My message to the boys is take a chance on her, the scary one, the one who "seems to have it so together one." Because, trust me, she doesn't always, and she'd love some help.
