It’s no recent trend for female pop stars to write anthems of misandry and fantastical romances that succeed against the odds. [If I was smarter about music or cared to research it further, this is where I’d provide some old-ass example.] Some of the most relevant examples getting frequent rotation on the radio are Meghan Trainor’s “NO” and Ariana Grande’s “Dangerous Woman.” Since they’re the first two that came to mind, and because I think they suit both sides of the coin, I’ll be using them as my primary examples.

Trainor’s “NO” is the new face of the classic “I ain’t going home with you” songs such as P!nk’s “U + Ur Hand” and “No Scrubs” by TLC. These songs are designed to empower women by giving them the upper-hand in the courting process, the kind of rush that one (apparently) gets from rejecting an invitation to bed. Now, I don’t have much experience in this field. Just take a look at my picture below and I’m sure you can see why. The few times I’ve ever passed on a romantic offer were awkward, sympathetic moments. I certainly didn’t feel strong or somehow superior to the people I was turning down. You ever been declined as a lover? That shit sucks, no joke. It’s bad enough when the person is being civil about it, let alone if you become the butt of a joke in this moment of vulnerability.

Ahh, but there’s a catch to these songs: The failed-suitor is a dickhead. He’s the prototypical womanizing buffoon who only thinks about one thing, and these aren’t the thoughts to bubble from one’s upper-head. This is the kinda dude who’d benefit from being knocked down a peg or two. Letting your friend go home with him should qualify you as an accomplice to a crime, this dude’s so grody. Hey, I get that. Speaking as a dude, a vast majority of men suck (and I can’t claim to be any exception). I’m all for that, and I enjoy a lot of songs that cover this ground. My issue with Trainor and her like is that I feel she (or at least her as the voice of the song) is masking some insecurity by belittling others. She’s powerful only in relation to this scummy guy, not in her own right.

So, what makes Ariana Grande a “Dangerous Woman?” Is it her confident self-image? Her actions? Her efficient marks(wo)manship with automatic rifles? Nope. It’s the universal “You,” an Unnamed Man. I get that. When you’re in a good relationship (or even a bad one), you can feel invincible and all those songwriting clichés. There’s a reason these archetypes exist, I believe: because we can all relate to them. Everybody’s been in love, or at least has an idealized fantasy of what it feels like to be in love. But does a dangerous woman need a man to claim such a title? It sounds less dangerous and more dependent to me. I’m not a “Strong women don’t need no man” type(As a male, how could I be?), but there’s some truth to it. Being in a relationship doesn’t make one weak, but needing to be in a relationship kinda does, and that’s exactly how I interpret Grande’s song. I feel that the character identifies herself as being characterized by the man she is with. This is the same artificial Teen Nick brand of rebellion that is marketed to college freshmen on every Lana Del Rey album. That’s something I feel is worth addressing in art, too, but I never feel that the topic is thoroughly explored so much as it is addressed. In the same way, that individuality can’t be bought, it isn’t earned by sitting on the right Johnson. I’d like to see songs questioning why or how a relationship can change your perspective on yourself, or how one changes because of one, or anything but a declaration of dependence. If you’re into bad boys, that’s cool, but you are not who you date. For songs that are often seen as empowering, they tend to be awful demeaning to that purpose.

My purpose in writing this article isn’t necessarily to dispute this breed of songs. I think they’re important to a lot of people and I enjoy plenty of such tunes. I’ve been listening to Mariah Carey since starting my paragraph on “Dangerous Woman.” I’ve made a habit of buying every Taylor Swift album on the day of its release. I think Rumours by Fleetwood Mac is a good collection of songs that could probably be attributed to the Scorned Lover song, which isn’t too far off from these two song types. I also want to acknowledge that there are definitely male equivalents to these trendy song topics. I would argue that Taylor Swift being the target of so many break-up song jokes is because she’s a girl who dates and that male songwriters who have no more diversity in their work get a pass is a produce of some petty sexism. However, I’d also say that some of her strongest songs aren’t about romantic love at all, such as “Ronan” and “Never Grow Up.” If she and singer/songwriters of this nature are uninterested in branching out with their material, would it be too much to ask that they go further with the songs? Write that song about turning Douchebag #3,692 down, but can we get a little more pathos behind it? Or at least something to make it stand further apart from the million songs already written on the topic?

See Also: Katy Perry, Adele