I'm an emotional person, and at times even the slightest inconvenience feels like the entire universe is conspiring against me. And I get frustrated and angry, not only at the universe but sometimes at the people around me.
Recently, I found myself getting caught in a cycle of confusion and anger, and I couldn't figure out why I felt like I was drifting from my close relationships with people. Then I realized: it has never been me against the world, but me versus myself. The universe is not out to get me, nor are the people around me. Everything is a manifestation, and I was the one creating the negative energy around me.
This is something I'm working on, not only for myself but because I want the people I care about to be comfortable around me and feel welcomed in my presence -- which can be forgotten about, especially in our own friendships and relationships.
Letting out rude comments to our friends and family, sometimes, can be easier than it is to be rude to strangers. We expect no judgments from those we trust, so we think we can be mean to them because we don't have to make a good impression AND they're already a part of our lives.
I'm not saying that it's okay to treat strangers poorly, but our friends and family get the unedited, unfiltered versions of us. Which means that we expose them to the roughest parts of our days. Talking through something with a friend is so much more effective than being angry or upset and not expressing yourself to them.
The best thing I can do when I'm in a rut is to try and understand how my thought patterns work. If I find myself with unpleasant thoughts, it's important to find out why and where these thoughts come from. And from there, I can either eliminate my irrational worries or fix whatever needs to be fixed. This is especially helpful when I feel myself about to make impulsive decisions (that have the possibility of regretful outcomes).
It was not and is not fair for my negative energy to be projected into the lives of my friends, obviously, but I was so convinced that I was too good of a person for things to not go right all the time.
I have to remind myself that I am a human being with faults. I don't like to admit it, but every once in a while it is necessary to reevaluate where I stand because my actions - even if in passing, or without knowing it - push people away and have made it difficult for other people to even want to be around me.
Our thoughts and feelings have such great power over our actions. When something doesn't go exactly how I planned it, I easily get flustered. I can recognize when I'm about to panic in these situations, so I am working on immediately changing my thoughts as soon as I feel like I'm being sucked into my own head. I've reached the step of recognizing and admitting some of my faults, but it's still a constant and difficult battle within my own mind.
