First off, I don't hate Maroon 5.
I don't love them either, but I do respect them for their sustained success.
That being said, when I heard that they would be leading the halftime show for Super Bowl LIII my reaction was: Meh.
And that's what I think of when I think of Maroon 5. Not bad enough for me to mock and make fun of them, but not good enough to listen to for pleasure. To me, they are the definition of standard catchy pop music. A long-running formula that works, but never reaches the band's full potential.
There are members like lead singer Adam Levine, one of the biggest celebrities and most recognizable faces in the country and....yeah I don't know the others. I don't even know if the band ever had a line-up change.
To be honest, though, I don't care about the halftime show performance because I don't need it. I love football and I don't need a mainstream entertainer to make me watch the biggest sporting event of the year.
Last year's Super Bowl was the greatest sporting event I've ever witnessed and I remember literally nothing from Justin Timberlake's halftime show because it was my team playing and winning their first Super Bowl championship. GO BIRDS!
But come on, Maroon 5? Here's a list of some singers and entertainers who'd make a way better halftime show than Adam Levine's cold, expressionless face staring at the camera while he's probably thinking about his supermodel wife.
1. A Small World Salute!
Marching bands, Elvis impersonators, and Chubby Checker. That's what you got at halftime of the Super Bowl for decades, until New Kids on the Block came along...
2. Lin Manuel-Miranda and the "Hamilton" cast.
It can be argued that Lin Manuel-Miranda's masterpiece retelling the life story of the forgotten founding father has kick-started a musical renaissance not seen since the glory days of "Phantom" and "Les Mis" during the 1980s. Even though halftime shows are usually for pop stars, Hamilton is the exception to conventional wisdom and will make musical theater geeks watch a football game they'd otherwise never see!
3. Andrea Bocelli.
This guy may be old, but he's recently collaborated with big-time pop stars like Ariana Grande and Dua Lipa. Bocelli is one of the best singers in the world and he can sing anything from opera, to musicals, to pop music. His voice combined with the spectacle of the halftime show with millions watching would be to die for.
4. Mason Ramsey.
Here's a link of 10 songs we must hear Mason Ramsey perform.
One of the greatest treasures of 2018 was the discovery of a boy yodeling Hank Williams Sr. at a Walmart store.
It would only be fitting to have the world blessed to hear his incredible talent on stage of the Super Bowl halftime show.
5. Squidward Tentacles Presents: Band Geeks.
Beethoven's Symphony Number 9
The Beatles Hey Jude
Squidward's Sweet Victory
6. The Big Four.
The four biggest and most influential heavy metal bands of the past forty years, these groups have all come together recently with an epic tour.
A Super Bowl halftime show performance?
*Insert South Park Randy Marsh meme*
7. Jetpacks and Pigeons.
Let's do a throwback to the first ever Super Bowl halftime show with jetpacks and pigeons!