52 Thoughts I Have When I Can't Sleep
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52 Thoughts I Have When I Can't Sleep

When every embarrassing moment of your entire life comes back to haunt you.

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52 Thoughts I Have When I Can't Sleep
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1. How am I not tired? It feels like I've been up since the crack of dawn.

2. Maybe if I just close my eyes, that'll work.

3. Nope, not working.

4. Counting sheep, let's give that a try. 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... no. This is dumb

5. Maybe now is the time to read that book I've been saying I would read all summer.

6. OK, yeah, let's do that.

7. *Reads barely a chapter* No, this isn't working.

8. I wonder if my friend is up, maybe I'll text her?

9. Ten minutes and no answer.

10. It is 1 a.m., so I guess I can't be upset that she didn't answer.

11. Maybe I'll just plan things in my head ... like a to-do list.

12. I need to buy textbooks, email my advisor, pay rent, pay Comcast, pay BGE ...

13. Just kidding, that was an awful idea. Now I'm stressed.

14. Maybe I should think of something happy to calm me down.

15. Hmm, what makes me happy ...?

16. Hmm, nothing is popping into my head but food.

17. Shit, now I'm hungry.

18. Or maybe I just think I am. I'll just have water because I'm probably just bored, not hungry.

19. Ahh fully refreshed, now back to bed.

20. ... And now I have to pee.

21. Damn, it's almost 2 a.m., I really need to sleep.

22. Wait, what was that noise?

23. Did I look the door?

24. Is someone breaking in? Or is it a ghost?

25. No, both of those are totally irrational. Just breathe. Think happy thoughts that aren't food.

26. I'll just mentally go through my Pinterest board. That should be enough to distract me from the possible (but not really) intruder I think is outside my door.

27. Mason jar wine glass, mason jar candle holders, mason jars wrapped in twine, quote to paint on a mason jar ...

28. Wow, I really need to look more things up than what do to with a mason jar.

29. ... But they always look so cute!

30. Especially at weddings. They're perfect centerpieces.

31. I wonder what my wedding will be like?

32. Well, if I have one. Still looking for some poor soul I can convince to like me longer than 10 minutes.

33. Wow, thinking of that ... thank god that I have a cat.

34. The crazy cat lady thing is in right now, isn't it?

35. But I'm not there yet. Still need about 11 more cats for that to be my life.

36. Oh my god, what if it is?

37. Cats on cats on cats. Plus me.

38. I should probably get my life together.

39. And it's 3:30 a.m.

40. I don't even know if there's a point in sleeping anymore.

41. If I fall asleep in the next 10 minutes, that leaves me about 3 hours and 20 minutes before my alarm goes off.

42. That might be useful.

43. Maybe if I turn on Netflix for a little, I'll fall asleep.

44. Ah, a nice documentary should do the trick.

45. Hmmmm, this seems interesting.

46. *30 minutes later* This is too good, I can't sleep now, I need to know what happens!

47. *some amount of time later * Wow, that was great. 10/10. Would recommend.

48. *yawns*

49. OK finally sleepy, let's just close the eyes, and I should be asleep in no time.

50. *finally falls asleep*

51. BEEP BEEP BEEP

52. Motherf$!&?#!!!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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