Hey, you. Yes, you. I know you're reading this because you're procrastinating on studying for your finals.
Now, I would lecture you on how you should be hitting the books day and night so that you can write a Nobel Prize-worthy research paper and make a 106 on your organic chemistry exam. However, I believe in preaching what I practice, and I myself am a master procrastinator.
You've probably already figured out that I'm writing this article as a method of procrastination. What you may not know is that I've also already come up with a comprehensive list of everything I'd rather do than study for finals... and trust me, it's quite comprehensive. So close that textbook -- we all know opening it is about as far as you've gotten -- sit back, relax, ignore your responsibilities, and enjoy the show.
1. Take a nap. I'm starting with the obvious answers here.
2. Watch Netflix. How many seasons of "Grey's Anatomy" are there again?
3. Watch all eight "Harry Potter" movies. Maybe Hermione's motivation and scholarliness will rub off on you.
3. Read a book. As long as it's not for a class.
4. Write a book. Hey, if you manage to become the next J.K. Rowling, you won't need college.
5. FIVE GOLDEN RINGS! And by this I obviously mean go shamelessly caroling throughout your dorm. If you're not studying... no one is.
6. Call your mom. She's been asking you to call her all semester. Now seems like a pretty good time.
7. Call your professor. And beg them to cancel the exam. You're always open to the good ole "let's not and say we did" move.
8. Learn a new language. And I don't mean learn French for your final exam. I mean learn something like Dothraki -- because you can. And also because Khaleesi's don't need college -- they need dragons.
9. Master the art of origami... using your math notes as folding paper.
10. Master a martial art. Your professor won't fail you if he fears you.
11. Master the art of pickpocketing. You know, for when you fail out of college and have to survive using your advanced skills in sleight of hand.
12. Go for a run... as far away from your responsibilities as possible.
13. Sacrifice frosted animal crackers in exchange for a snow day. Yes I live in the south and it's 60 degrees outside, but a girl can dream.
14. Watch cute videos of cats.
15. Watch cute videos of dogs. If you don't like cats.
16. Watch cute videos of cats and dogs. Here, I'll get you started:
17. Adopt a dog or cat. I'm sure a corgi could cheer me up during my time of suffering.
18. Clean and organize your dorm for the first time all semester. Huh... there's that tank top I lost during syllabus week.
19. Decorate your dorm for Christmas. You can never have too many twinkly lights.
20. Make your Christmas Wish List. I was tempted to put a link to my wish list here (but if you've visited my Pinterest recently, you'll know it's just a boxed set of the Harry Potter books... and money).
21. Buy Christmas presents for your friends. 'Tis the season for giving after all.
22. Buy Christmas presents for your professors. I'm not above bribery and neither are you.
23. Watch YouTube videos for five hours. Bad Lip Readings are always fun.
24. Make your own YouTube channel. I actually did this over the summer to put off doing my pre-class chemistry homework. I have about 54 subscribers and six videos. I do book reviews. Then I rewatch them to laugh at my awkwardness (and debilitatingly Southern accent).
25. Paint your nails.
26. Repaint your nails. Because you bumped one of them on your desk and now the whole manicure is ruined.
27. Plan your next haircut by taking selfies with fake bangs. Your hair's going to be bangin' next semester... that is if you make it that far.
28. Plan a backpacking trip through Europe. Even though you've never been out of the country and there's no way you'll be able to afford it.
29. Plan a backpacking trip to the library. It's about as likely as the one to Europe.
30. Look for easier majors. WHY OH WHY DID I CHOOSE PRE-MED?
31. Look for jobs that don't require a college degree.
32. Actually go on Facebook. Maybe even start an argument with one of your old classmates when they announce they'll be voting for Donald Trump.
33. Stalk your friends on Facebook. Nice hat, babe. Very 2010.
34. Comment on and like all of their pictures from middle school. Muahahahahahahahahahaha.
35. Share that adorable video from #16 on Facebook.
36. Share this article on Facebook. I mean it. Go do it. Right now.
37. Order pizza. You can't possibly study on an empty stomach.
38. Order Insomnia Cookies. Maybe if my stomach gets full enough, it'll numb my crushing anxiety.
39. Reorganize your entire schedule for next semester. There's no way I can survive another science... maybe a philosophy class?
40. Check the syllabus for all of your classes. What percentage of my final grade is this exam, again?
41. Calculate the exact score you need to pass the class. Okay... if I write my name on the exam and make at least a 13, I should get a C- in this class.
42. Email your professors. Heyyyyyyyyy... I was just wondering.... will there be a curve?
43. Pay a visit to your academic advisor. I don't think this whole "higher education" thing is working out.
44. Break a leg. What kind of injury could possibly get me out of this exam?
45. Get hit by a bus. They can't make me take this exam if I'm in the hospital.
46. Spontaneously burst into flames. Still better than studying for the chemistry final.
47. Write an article about the 50 things you'd rather do than study for finals. Guilty as charged.
48. Read an article about the 50 things you'd rather do than study for finals. I caught you.
49. Share this article via your favorite social media provider. I know you really don't want to... but hey, it's better than studying for your exams, right?
50. Take a nap. Phew, after doing everything on this list I'm pretty tired. Gotta recharge so I can do it all again tomorrow.
Okay, okay. We've had our fun. Now fly my pretties and get that 4.0.
... And may the curve be ever in your favor.