At the age of 16, I knew that I was going to be a single loner for many of my years. I didn't want what everyone else did, I was going to be an independent writer, just like Louisa May Alcott and Jane Austen, my literary heroes. I was going to spend my days pouring over my writing and be a famous published author.
That didn't happen. I fell into the teenage bliss called love and met a guy when I was much too young to know better. I let life get a hold of me and we ended up married at a very young age. My first child soon followed and then my second. My dreams of being a reclusive writer were not to happen.
This is not an epitaph of my life as a writer, but merely a detour. I am wholeheartedly in love with my children, who I was convinced I would never have. I often wondered what my life would be like without them, and I know this for sure, I would not be the same person that I am today.
My marriage did not last, but my children and I came through it. Because of the direction of my marriage I have heard comments that I would have been better off, that I should have never gotten married. There is a part of me that agrees with those statements. It is not an easy thing to go through a divorce, especially a bad one. What I do not agree with is that it should have never happened.
I have two beautiful, smart, kind, and loving children. They make my life full of love and happiness, and they make me smile and laugh. If we are being honest, I am a regular mom and there are days when it is more tears than smiles. At the end of the day, when they are in bed and all the pain is forgotten, I am grateful for my life.
The people who say it should have never been do not know the joy that comes from my children. They can't tell me that if I married someone else I would have the same children. It doesn't work that way. I know this because I know my children. They are who they are because of what we have been through. They are resilient, they are fighters, and they are mine.
We can play the games of what-ifs all day long, at the end of it, my kids are here. I do not regret having them, or what lead me to my life with them. They make my life complete. They did not ruin my life, I simply took a little longer to get where I was going.
You are special to me and I am so happy to have you in my life. You are precious and valued and I thank God for you every day. You have a purpose in this life and I cannot wait to see what you can accomplish.
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