It's been said time and time again that a lot can happen in a year. But I guess that's for good reason, as I can hardy recognize the person I was 365 days ago. If you've met me within the last six months, there's a chance you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about. But if you've been following my journey, you know that just a year ago I was dangerously underweight due to the eating disorder that was close claiming my life.
Aside from gaining the healthy weight that my body oh so desperately needed, this past year has also been a time of mental and emotional healing and growth. My brain finally found and captured the demon that had been hijacking my thoughts for the past, well, who knows how long. Now he or she or shim is locked up somewhere in the depths of my brain where it can no longer impact on the way I live my life.
Sometimes I can hear it shouting and screaming and hooting and hollering at me, and sometimes I even give in and listen. But most of the time I'm able to laugh it off and even yell back. This is definitely not something that I was doing a year ago.
In fact, a year ago this demon was running rampant throughout the inner workings of my brain, controlling my thoughts, my actions and my relationships; ultimately making my life a living hell. It convinced me to hate myself, to starve my body and to let go of the idea of ever living a normal life again. Simply
However, that's not who I am anymore. I'm not going to explain the process of recovery from my eating disorder. Partially because I've already done so in previous pieces, but mainly because what I've left unsaid cannot be put into words.
But what I can say is that if you are struggling with something right now, I promise you that it won't last forever. I don't make these types of promises lightly, and I know that if someone would have said that to me a year ago I wouldn't have believed it for a second. But please know that anything, absolutely anything, can happen in a year. It may be inexplicable, a miracle of God, the impossible made possible, but that is what's so magical and terrifying about the future. You have absolutely no control over what is going to happen a year from now. That doesn't mean that you should stop trying, give up and allow yourself to become a bump on a log. It means that you should keep working, moving forward, showing kindness to those around you and loving yourself with the intentions of moving in a positive direction while accepting that you have no control over the outcome.
Below you will find the change in my appearance that has taken place over the last 365 days. But more than that, I hope you find the light that has returned to my eyes.