Don't get me wrong, I love summer. Summer means late nights (not doing classwork), sleeping in, seeing friends, going on vacation, and being home with my family. This time is filled with doing the things I love with the people I love, without having anything stand in my way. I want summer to stay forever. But, as August rolls around, I need to go back to school.
For the last few days and the weeks leading up to the start of the semester, I have and will be a nervous wreck. I stress. I worry. And my mind plays situations that have a .0000001% chance of happening. I need to go back to school.
I am ready for the school year and all the exciting things it holds. I am ready to see my friends again. I am ready to get back into a routine. But I don't want to leave my family, my friends, and my summer life. And even though this will be my third time returning to school, I still have anxieties about it.
The biggest thing for me is time. I feel like I am running out of it. There are things I need to do. Things I want to do. And there just isn't time. And I work myself up so much in the thoughts of running out of time, what I need/want to do, stressing and worrying about those things, that I just do nothing. I need to go back to school, so these feelings will be over.
Appropriately, I ask myself 'now what'? What do I do with these feelings and emotions? And I have reached three solutions that will get me to the start of the school year.
The first is pray. The amazing thing about God is that he already knows what is in my heart and mind. Currently, he is seeing stress and anxiety. And it is okay to feel this way, but it is wrong not to share my feeling with him through prayer. In 1 Peter 5:7, I am called to "cast all [my] anxiety on him because he cares for [me]." God is already going ahead of me and preparing my path for an hour from now, next week, next month, even the next five years. He has my back because he cares for me. I need to stop sitting in a ball of stress and just talk to Him.
The second is to talk. I am notorious for keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself. Like praying, talking to some I love and trust will help me lose the anxiety staying in my mind. For me, this person is my mom. I know I can go to her with anything and she will always be there for me. For some, this person might be a mom, dad, sibling, friend, teacher, etc. But finding someone to share worries with is a great way to get through them.
The third is to make a list. I like lists because they keep me on track. I also like crossing things off lists. But in the past, I have run into the same problem that actually increases the feeling of stuckness and worry. I write too many things down. And when I don't accomplish all these things, I feel like a failure, piling onto my already sensitive feelings. Instead of writing fifty different things to accomplish, I start by only writing four things. Four things I can tackle, four things that need to be done, four, little things. Once I cross one off, I write down another and keep doing that until I get everything done. Through this, I feel that I am doing more of what I feel needs to be done and I am not overwhelming myself.
Don't get me wrong, I love summer, but I need to go back to school. Until then, I am plagued with worry, anxiety, and the fear of losing time. However, as I go through these next two weeks before returning to campus, I will focus on these steps and turn to the love and support of those around me.