The Truth About Your Parents' Divorce: It's Not Your Fault
Start writing a post
Health Wellness

The Truth About Your Parents' Divorce: It's Not Your Fault

You are not to blame for the mature decision two adults made for the sake of their own wellbeing.

430
The Truth About Your Parents' Divorce: It's Not Your Fault

In the 2009 remake of "Fame," Jenny auditions for the New York Academy of Performing Arts with the following monologue:

"My theory is that when parents get divorced, they're given some kind of a handout. When my parents were splitting, they told me three things:

1. It's not your fault

2. It's not your fault

And 3. It's not your fault

The problem is, I don't buy it. No kid does. I've seen the pictures of when you got married when you were good-looking and you smiled at each other... hell, when you even just looked at each other. So what happened between then and now? Me.

I came along and I made you tired and cranky and anxious and I made you lose your hair and gain 20 extra pounds and somewhere in all of that, you stopped loving each other.

So. I have my own idea for a handout. Next time tell me:

1. Happiness is hard

2. Don't make the same mistakes that we did

And 3. Okay, so maybe it is your fault a little.

You want me to be honest, you go first."

I'm not going to spend these 800 words trying to explain what I believe is meant by the above. I don't think I could even if I tried. If you don't understand the emotion in those words, consider yourself lucky. If you feel that same pain that is woven through those words in your own fresh wounds, it is you I write to.

When I was 13, my parents surprised my brother and I with a nice dinner on a beautiful day. We went to one of our favorite restaurants on the lake, taking a short walk to the park after finishing our meal. We sat down at a picnic table, and that's when the bomb was dropped. The D-word. The one for moms and dads that fight all the time. The one that fell off the lips of my loving, perfect parents. The one I never thought would materialize in front of me.

The one that did.

I soon found myself torn from familiarity, shuttled weekly between two homes, neither of which I recognized. Not with the mom or dad-shaped hole left in the dust. A new apartment, then a new house, then a new life. I mean, it was kind of like an adventure. Though I can't say it was a fun one.

I remember searching tirelessly for an explanation.

My parents? The ones who would drive us to McDonald's and get into ice cream fights? It was supposed to be us four against the world. What changed?

It had to have been me.

The year before, my mom and I spent months away from home while I underwent treatment in Portland. My dad only visited on weekends, leaving them alone for a majority of the time. I've been told that people get married when they can't live without one another. Well, 200 miles apart, my parents learned to operate as individuals. They no longer needed each other. And why? Because of my own stupid issues. Because of me.

By instinct, our parents are typically our first role models. We look up to them. They're supposed to know everything, solve every problem, find that silver lining in all of life's storms. So what happens when our role models' relationship fails? Well, it can't possibly be their fault, you might be thinking. You might wonder what changed. You might look at those old pictures and see the only thing standing between the past and the present, the happiness and the fighting, is you. You might be hurt. You might feel as though you are to blame.

I'm here to tell you it's not your fault.

You are a product of love. Whether it be your mom(s), dad(s), mom and dad, grandparent(s), guardian(s), foster parent(s)... you are someone's pride and joy. If you don't believe me, trust me when I say I'm proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself. It’s not easy to grow up in this world with skewed perceptions of love, friendships, or relationships of any kind. It’s hard enough to be a kid. You shouldn’t have to place blame on your shoulders; if you pile your worries too high, you’re bound to collapse. Don’t. Be proud of your parents for choosing the healthier path. Be proud of yourself for growing through the turmoil.

In a world where love so often seems to dissolve in front of our very eyes, the least we can do is shelter it within ourselves.

The rest is out of our control.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

50299
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

122165
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments