A Tribute To Every Fallen White House Staffer

A Tribute To Every Fallen White House Staffer

And why they will never be forgotten.

I think it's safe to say that at this point in time, we can't really turn on a TV without some kind of drama unfolding in the Trump administration.

Whether you support Trump or not, it's easy to tell that there are plenty of times when the White House seems to be scrambling and under chaos. Case in point: the fact that a handful of staffers have either resigned or been fired over the past few months alone. These fallen heroes are missing one thing in their lives, (and no, it is not a time machine, although they probably wish they had that too.)

They need a tribute to all the hard work they put in, even if their hard work mostly included making up alternative facts. So, without further ado, here is my tribute to every White House staffer who has either left to save their own skin, or has been fired to save someone else's skin.

1. Michael Flynn

Where do we even begin with Michael Flynn? Aside from looking like a scarecrow come to life, he also mysteriously resigned from being the National Security Adviser a tremendous twenty-four days into Trump's presidency. There is still a lot of lingering controversy over whether or not Flynn had contacts with the Russians before and after Trump became president. Later on, he asked for immunity if he ended up testifying. Michael Flynn's resignation was the first major controversy in Trump's administration, and many questioned why he would request immunity if he hadn't done anything wrong. One thing's for certain though:

2. James Comey

James Comey was not necessarily a White House Staffer, however, he was the former F.B.I. director, the one who was fired by President Trump for...what, exactly? It's a little hard to tell, based on the fact that Trump completely contradicted the White House's statement on the reason why he fired Comey. Was it because the Deputy Attorney General recommended it based off of Comey's handling of Hillary Clinton's emails? That's what the White House said. President Trump gave an interview with Lester Holt, however, in which he said the reason was actually due to "this Russia thing." Either way, when it comes to Trump firing Comey, here's one thing we shouldn't do:

3. Sean Spicer

Sean Spicer has to be my favorite White House staffer so far. His press conferences didn't need to be parodied; they were already SNL skits from the get-go. He lied about the size of President Trump's inauguration crowd size five seconds after saying that there were no hard numbers on the crowd size. He claimed that Adolf Hitler did not use chemical weapons on people, when Hitler in fact slaughtered millions of people using gas chambers. He also brilliantly hid among bushes to avoid President Trump after the fallout of firing James Comey.

Although his war with the fake news may be over, Sean Spicer still has one war left to fight:

4. Reince Priebus

Reince Priebus is hard to describe, seeing as how his only characteristics included being mousy and boring. He was recently fired as the White House chief of staff, and rumors are saying it was because he was not deemed "strong" enough to serve in President Trump's administration. In Priebus' defense, it is difficult to have strength when you are a mouse constantly being chased by an overweight canary with yellow hair. During that creepy White House meeting in which staff members praised President Trump for things he hasn't done, Priebus referred to his job as a "blessing." Something tells me that running around trying to catch that canary wasn't such a blessing, though. If only someone had the chance to tell him this before he was fired:

Anthony Scaramucci:

Just for the record, I actually finished this article while Scaramucci was still employed. I was hoping that we could go forty-eight hours without another White House staffer getting canned, but here we are. It's been a whirlwind eleven days for Scaramucci, and some of his more memorable moments include a bizarre and expletive ridden interview with the New Yorker, his wife filing for divorce despite being nine months pregnant, and tweeting that Reince Priebus should be investigated for "leaking" his financial disclosures, even though said disclosures would have eventually become available to the public at some point in time. Overall, The Mooch is just another loudmouth at the bar who is too drunk to be aware that the things he is saying make no sense, but hey. At least he bid us farewell on his first day:

Honorable Mention: Chris Christie

Despite the fact that he was never in President Trump's administration, you've got to hand it to the overwhelmingly disliked New Jersey governor. He has done everything he can to please President Trump, yet he was still forced to stand behind him at a press conference. Chris Christie is like the worst cheerleader on the squad who keeps trying to impress the star football player. Every time he tries to do the splits, he falls on his ass. Although his political career is pretty much over, at least these facial expressions will last forever:

Stay tuned to see who gets the axe next!

Cover Image Credit: ampthemag.com

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.


So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?



Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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Pride? Pride.

Who are we? Why are we proud?


This past week, I was called a faggot by someone close to me and by note, of all ways. The shock rolled through my body like thunder across barren plains and I was stuck paralyzed in place, frozen, unlike the melting ice caps. My chest suddenly felt tight, my hearing became dim, and my mind went blank except for one all-encompassing and constant word. Finally, after having thawed, my rage bubbled forward like divine retribution and I stood poised and ready to curse the name of the offending person. My tongue lashed the air into a frenzy, and I was angry until I let myself break and weep twice. Later, I began to question not sexualities or words used to express (or disparage) them, but my own embodiment of them.

For members of the queer community, there are several unspoken and vital rules that come into play in many situations, mainly for you to not be assaulted or worse (and it's all too often worse). Make sure your movements are measured and fit within the realm of possible heterosexuality. Keep your music low and let no one hear who you listen to. Avoid every shred of anything stereotypically gay or feminine like the plague. Tell the truth without details when you can and tell half-truths with real details if you must. And above all, learn how to clear your search history. At twenty, I remember my days of teaching my puberty-stricken body the lessons I thought no one else was learning. Over time I learned the more subtle and more important lessons of what exactly gay culture is. Now a man with a head and social media accounts full of gay indicators, I find myself wondering both what it all means and more importantly, does it even matter?

To the question of whether it matters, the answer is naturally yes and no (and no, that's not my answer because I'm a Gemini). The month of June has the pleasure of being the time of year when the LGBT+ community embraces the hateful rhetoric and indulges in one of the deadly sins. Pride. Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, the figures at the head of the gay liberation movement, fought for something larger than themselves and as with the rest of the LGBT+ community, Pride is more than a parade of muscular white men dancing in their underwear. It's a time of reflection, of mourning, of celebration, of course, and most importantly, of hope. Pride is a time to look back at how far we've come and realize that there is still a far way to go.

This year marks fifty years since the Stonewall Riots and the gay liberation movement launched onto the world stage, thus making the learning and embracing of gay culture that much more important. The waves of queer people that come after the AIDS crisis has been given the task of rebuilding and redefining. The AIDS crisis was more than just that. It was Death itself stalking through the community with the help of Regan doing nothing. It was going out with friends and your circle shrinking faster than you can try or even care to replenish. Where do you go after the apocalypse? The LGBT+ community was a world shut off from access by a touch of death and now on the other side, we must weave in as much life as we can.

But we can't freeze and dwell of this forever. It matters because that's where we came from, but it doesn't matter because that's not where we are anymore. We're in a time of rebirth and spring. The LGBT+ community can forge a new identity where the AIDS crisis is not the defining feature, rather a defining feature to be immortalized, mourned, and moved on from.

And to the question of what does it all mean? Well, it means that I'm gay and that I've learned the central lesson that all queer people should learn in middle school. It's called Pride for a reason. We have to shoulder the weight of it all and still hold our head high and we should. Pride is the LGBT+ community turning lemons into lemon squares and limoncello. The lemon squares are funeral cakes meant to mourn and be a familiar reminder of what passed, but the limoncello is the extravagant and intoxicating celebration of what is to come. This year I choose to combine the two and get drunk off funeral cakes. Something tells me that those who came before would've wanted me to celebrate.

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