To my mom: Goodbye.

Dear mom,

Hi. I miss you. I hope you're having fun in heaven. I hope it's everything you thought it would be and that it's absolutely beautiful. Maybe it's covered in all the sunflowers you could imagine because you loved them so much. I bet the sunsets and sunrises are beautiful. Maybe you got to finally make things right with Grandaddy. Maybe you get to tuck Preston into bed every night. Maybe even Rocky is there running around on top of the clouds and chasing anything he can set his eyes on.

I wish I got to say goodbye. I wish we got to see each other in those 2 years after everything happened. But we never did. You were just gone before I could say goodbye. I don't know when I'll ever feel whole again, because you took a chunk of my heart with you.

I hope I'm making you proud. I'm trying mama, I'm trying so hard. It's so tough sometimes. Sometimes everything really sucks and I wish I could just call you and say "mama what do I do?" I wish you got to be here for my teenage years when I was trying to figure out how to put makeup on properly or braid my hair. You'd be happy to know after all these years I finally learned to braid my own hair, lol.

Maybe you'd be happy to know that I've been trying to be some sort of mother figure for Ryleigh and Chandler. They were so young at the time and need me to talk about how awesome you were. Keep your memory alive. They need that. I need that. I'm so thankful that you gave me Ryleigh and Chandler. Because I need them more than they'll ever know. And I need them to rely on me the way they do for guidance and being a role model to them. I need that responsibility.

I can't wait to see you again. I know you'll have my spot in heaven waiting for me when Jesus decides to call me home someday. I bet it's absolutely stunning.

Till we meet again mama,

I love you and goodbye.