Things I'm Tired Of Hearing About My Relationship
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Things I'm Tired Of Hearing About My Relationship

The world would be a much better place if we didn't assume things about people.

Things I'm Tired Of Hearing About My Relationship

There are many things that make being in a relationship hard. You have to deal with fights or disagreements. You have to learn how to trust one another. You have to learn how to communicate with one another. And you have to learn how to love each other. But being in a relationship with another woman adds in other problems. But the worst problems come from outside of our relationship. The people that we interact with every day. There have been so many comments about my relationship from other people and many of them are saying the same thing. So these are some of the questions and comments I'm tired of hearing about my relationship to my fiance.

How did he propose?

I often get this question when people realize that I'm wearing an engagement ring, but they don't know I'm gay. For those who do know, I often hear a different version of this question: "Who proposed?" I really don't like these questions because it assumes that one person has to initiate the next level of the relationship. Nobody has to initiate it. For us, it was an agreement. We both agreed to get engaged and we both agreed to start wearing the rings. Neither one of us decided to get down on one knee and ask the other if they wanted to get married. We bought the rings, we sat down on a bench, and we exchanged the rings. There really isn't much of a story there. Sorry to disappoint.

Is one of you wearing a tux?

All I have to say to this is that we are gay. We do not have to portray a heterosexual couple by having one person in a tux and the other in a dress. We also don't have to have one person be more butch than the other. We are both wearing dresses because we both think dresses are pretty.

You spend too much time together.

She is my best friend. Of course I spend a lot of time with her. She is the one person who has proven that she will be there for me for the rest of my life. All of my other friends have come and gone. So obviously I want to spend my time with the one person who hasn't left. The one person who knows how to help me when I'm having an anxiety attack or depressive episode. She is the one person who makes it so that I don't feel alone. Nobody else has accomplished that. We live together, so that means that I will spend a lot of time with her. But we also spend time with other people. Just ask the many friends we have.

Oh, so you're a lesbian now?

Just because I now have a girlfriend doesn't mean that I am suddenly gay. I've always been gay, the difference is that I'm just now realizing it and have finally accepted it. I might have had a boyfriend in the past, but that doesn't mean that there is anything sudden about my sexuality. Plus, my girlfriend isn't a lesbian in the first place. There are more sexualities than simply gay or straight.

When are you having kids?

This question assumes one thing: that we will have kids at some point. I hate that assumption because I have never been the type of person who wanted kids. I also don't think it's any of your business if I have kids or not. That is between me and my fiance. You know what else is between me and my fiance? How we are having kids. We have been asked this question as well and let me tell you, that was the most awkward conversation ever. It's none of your business, so don't ask.

It's not fair to straight couples that you get to live with your fiance on campus.

Believe it or not, my fiance was told this once. It may not be fair that straight couples can't live in the same room on campus, but that really isn't our problem. If they have a problem with it, they can take it up with residence life on campus. I am not breaking any rules by living with my female fiance so they can't say that we can't live together. Plus, in some states I won't be able to buy/rent a place from some people simply because I'm gay and that will be completely legal. So I feel like this is kind of justified.

You don't have to announce your sexuality.

I have heard this one so many times and the people who say it don't realize just how wrong they are. This comment will come up when I talk about being a lesbian or even simply talk about my female fiance. Most of the time I'm not announcing anything, I'm just talking about the facts of my life. But they are also wrong in this comment because they don't realize how important visibility is. If I allow myself to be visible and tell people about my sexuality, that means that people will hear me. This is beneficial to everyone. Straight people will learn that they have a gay friend and will learn more about the gay community through me. It will also help young people who may be struggling with their own sexuality. It shows them that they are not alone in their struggle and that I am someone they can come to for questions. If they can see themselves in the people around them, then they will not feel alone or like they don't belong. And I think of this as my most important job for the LGBTQ+ community.

There are many things that people say to me, whether they are about me being gay or about my relationship in general. But these are the most common ones. They are also the ones that I believe shouldn't be asked or stated. I think the world would be a much better place if we didn't assume things about people or assume that we know about their life when we really don't. My relationship is happy and healthy and you don't need to have your nose in the middle of it. Thank you for your concern, but we are doing just fine.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Ready or not, here come the holidays, friends, and if you're as obsessed with the spirit of the season as I am, you are much more ready than not. Thanks to Hallmark Channel's Monopoly game making it possible to celebrate all year long, you can be ready now, too!

Keep Reading... Show less
Stephanie Tango

The pandemic has been in our world for more than half of 2020 and people are still acting stupid. If anything, they're getting stupider. They think that the virus is gone. It's not. Stop going to frat parties. Stop trying to go places without a mask. I wish things were normal, too. They're not.

Keep Reading... Show less
Kai Parlett

In the summer of 2017, 20 type 1 diabetics completed a 10-week 4,000+ mile bike ride from New York to California. They biked against the advice of doctors, family, and friends. Many were skeptical that people with diabetes could complete such a physically challenging trip without putting themselves in danger due to their disease.

Keep Reading... Show less

That's right, you heard that correctly: Demi Lovato and Max Ehrich called off their engagement after the couple originally announced their engagement in July after beginning to date in March.

Keep Reading... Show less

Demi Lovato's Called-Off Engagement Reminds Us Of The Importance Of Taking Our Time In Relationships

While this may be another hardship she sadly has to endure, I know she will find a way to inspire and help others through it.


I am heartbroken.

Keep Reading... Show less

We all love a good ol' sappy Christmas movie and this year, the Hallmark Channel is finally giving us what we want: diversity.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Seasonal Depression Is Real And It Deserves Our Attention

Check in on your friends throughout the winter season, it can be brutal.


As we transition seasons and enter the last few months of the year, some are feeling grand about this natural shift. But that doesn't mean everyone is thrilled that the weather is cooling down — it's important to extend your knowledge to the phenomenon that is seasonal depression.

The lack of sunlight during the later seasons of the year, beginning with autumn, triggers a state of depression for about 15% of the population. This results in the lack of serotonin provided by the sun, causing it to be hard for some to do a lot of the things that would normally be deemed simple tasks to do during the earlier times in the year like getting out of bed, showering, going to work/school, etc. A major difference is an intense need for sleep similar to a hibernation effect.

Keep Reading... Show less

September is Suicide Awareness Month, providing an opportunity to raise awareness, further educate yourself, and remember the reality that mental illnesses present. Yet it's critical to understand that suicide awareness is not an annual Instagram hashtag to use and forget. Actively advocating for mental health resources, progress in education, and a broken stigma is an everyday ask — an activity that we can each participate in.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments