Ah, Thanksgiving: the one time of year when we truly reflect on anything and everything,
That is, of course, until we drop the wishy-washy, sentimental gratitude posts the minute Black Friday commences. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jaded, as I learned very quickly that not everything is all flowers and sunshine, that not everyone and everything is lovely.
But that doesn't mean I am not grateful, nor completely cynical. People, and life in general, are great, really: you do not have to set the bar of expectations so high, because nine times out of time, you'll want to take back your words. The "maybe it isn't so annoying or bad"'s are quickly forgotten when, in an all too predictable manner, the outcome results in something far worse than expected. The number of times I rolled my eyes, conjured mental scenarios of flipping people off, and went on a tirade on nonsense caused by idiocy is actually quite comical. And yet, for that, I am able to say that I'm truly grateful for the following things (10% of the time) that continually spur feelings of confusion, anger and utter disbelief from within.
1. People who should be banned from the Internet
Your ignorance brings tremendous joy and laughter into my life; but realistically, you're probably better off logging off forever.
2. Unrealistic Fitspiration posts![](data:image/svg+xml,%3Csvg%20xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg'%20viewBox='0%200%20296%20300'%3E%3C/svg%3E)
Nah, I won't start loving myself once I reach a size 4. This did, however, motivate me to purchase a Big Mac. Don't stop until you're proud.
3. FAKE NICE PEOPLE
I get a kick out of how transparent you are. Please continue.
4. People who walk too slowly
As a New Yorker, my sole purpose is to aggressively show you how to walk into action. I live for this.
5. Having to be healthy for the majority of the week
I would eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's, a bucket of KFC and a biscuit, french fries, pizza, and movie theater popcorn every day of the week, but that's "bad for my health." I still have my fantasies, though, which I'm grateful for everyday.
6. Minions
Who are you? What are you? Why are companies capitalizing on you? I'm confused as to why you're beloved, but I'm grateful for you "things" providing joy.
7. Answering Questions at Family Functions
Hi Aunt, I'm doing well. Yes, I like writing for the Odyssey. Yes, this semester does in fact suck. No, I don't want to talk to you any longer, leave me with the chips and sour cream and onion dip.
8. College Dining Hall Food
Wasting tons of money on shitty food makes me so happy, but not as happy as I am with spending 10829012911290192019 dollars on tuition.
9. Having to hide from people in supermarkets in generic hometown
Running away from people I know for the sole purpose of avoiding forced interaction is my favorite activity.
10. Catcalls
Thanks for telling me I have a nice ass. Your comment suddenly gave me newfound confidence. Miracles really do happen.
11. Cancelled Party Plans
I love cancelled plans, especially when those plans ***would have*** involved a nice city dinner and a nice opportunity to go wild.
12. Flaky Friends
You guys rock!!!!!!!!!
13. Difficult College Courses
I'm not trying to graduate and get a job. Really. I'm not!!! Thanks for the experience, though.
14. Job & Internship Interviews![](data:image/svg+xml,%3Csvg%20xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg'%20viewBox='0%200%20625%20564'%3E%3C/svg%3E)
I love pre-job interview anxiety. Especially when it causes me to sound like an idiot throughout the entire interview.
15. Rude People
You exert excessive time and energy to be nasty, and I really do appreciate watching you take the more difficult route in life. It's easier to be kind and friendly, but don't stop now: I get entertainment value from you thinking you're above everyone.
16. Highly Active Group Chats
80 plus text messages about tomorrow night's plans does not warrant an excuse, but proceed. I'm grateful for even having friends.
17. Assignments
I want to write checks for Ferraris, not write homework assignments.... but I guess I have to struggle before swimming in millions.
18. Passive Aggressiveness
Instead of having a head on confrontation, let's just act like nothing is wrong, and continue to make subtle digs. Life is so easy this way.
19. Group Projects
Creating the group chat, coordinating with everyone's schedule, finding a time to meet, and working until the very last minute to half-ass a presentation is what makes my world great.
20. People who peaked in high school
In a society full of terrorism and violence, you're my source of comic relief.
21. Waiting
I have all the time in the world to wait and become a better, more patient person in the process.
22. People who don't use deodorant
You make my nose strong. You make my nose powerful. You make my nose unstoppable.
23. Slow Drivers
Any opportunity to flip a jerk off is one I enjoy.... in places where it rains pigs.
24. Awkward flirting via text
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."- Kelly Clarkson
25. Distasteful Selfies
Thanks for making me laugh.... and feel really bad about doing so.
26. Having to write this article
I have a billion tasks to complete, yet here I am writing this listicle. I'll probably fail my next math quiz, but at least I made you laugh. (I hope).