It happens to the best of us. You are much better off without him. He wasn't meant for you. Don't worry you'll find your person. These are just some of the phrases that you will hear when you get dumped. They come at you from all over the place; friends, family, and unwanted advice from a drunk girl at a party.
The advice will swarm your head and make you feel like you are drowning in your own thoughts. My problem with the advice is that it comes off as making you a victim. Now, if you did just get dumped you totally should relish at the moment and spend a day or two wallowing in nothing but self-pity, bad movies, and junk food. But after a while, you have to make a choice. You can either feed the pity party you are throwing, or you can process what just happened in a constructive manner.
The first thing you should do is to turn the tables around on the breakup. Go from only viewing one side of everything to taking note of the big picture. Don't only remember the good or the bad times remember what lessons you can learn. The first step is to turn the "why is this happening to me" to "what can I learn from this?" That simple change in your mindset will have you feeling wise beyond your years and not feeling totally useless in your own life.
The biggest lesson that I have learned from getting my heart stomped on countless times is that mindset really does set the course for how you will come out of this despair. Will you hold on the sadness and harness the role of the victim, or will you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue on your life journey.
Change the thoughts you have about where everything went wrong. You shouldn't feel "stupid" for putting yourself out there. It means you have a big heart and see the good in the world. Don't destroy that part of you because you simply don't want to get hurt again.
Feeling like you are too much of anything in a relationship can fracture even the strongest ones. If you are experiencing feeling "too ___" you need to stop yourself from the self-degradation and realize that maybe they plainly weren't enough for you.
One red flag that a lot of people simply ignore is that physicality doesn't necessarily mean a deep connection. If someone is intimate with out, they don't owe you anything. They might just "hit it and quit it" and unless you had a conversation beforehand of what being intimate means to you, you can't just expect to be swept off your feet with romance and love afterward.
You have been blessed with a broken heart, or just feeling sad. Once you no longer have that dull ache in your chest, that means that it is really over. Take time to look back on what happened and see the lessons you have learned. Love turns a blind eye on a lot of things. Now is the time to dive deep and answer whatever questions have been on your mind of where things went wrong. Don't let people keep you from feeling. As a human, you are allowed to feel pain. Welcome the pain, but don't let it swallow you. Remember that no matter what happened, you are still you. And one day that's all it is going to take for someone to fall head over heels.
Getting your heart broken sucks. But it means that you are closer to mastering the equation of love.
