I'm probably the last person on Earth who should be writing this article. If you were to ask anyone I'm close with, they would hands down say I am a "people pleaser". Basically, a people pleaser is someone who will go above and beyond to make other people happy, and not necessarily focus on their own happiness. For some people, being a people pleaser is a way to allow themselves to feel like they are needed. For others, like me, it's a way of validating our friendships with others. If I do a favor for my friend, it means that they'll continue to be my friend because I made them happy. I know that sounds a little crazy, but that's just how some people pleasers think.
While being a people pleaser can sometimes be a nice thing, it's also not the healthiest. You shouldn't have to worry about constantly making other people happy. It's not selfish to put yourself first. I've learned that in order to make other people happy, you need to make yourself happy first. Here are some ways to think over your people pleasing habits into more healthier ones.
1. Be Assertive. There's nothing wrong with saying "no". No one is going to think you're an awful person. You don't even have to explain yourself. If what your friend is asking for isn't really what you want to do, it's OK to say "no". Being assertive doesn't have to just mean saying "no" either. It could possibly include you asking for help with something, or standing up for yourself or someone else. You don't have to go along with what your friends like, just because they're your friends.
2. Prioritize and make boundaries. You're allowed to prioritize yourself over your friends. If someone asks you to do something, you don't have to feel obligated to do it. Set up boundaries for yourself of things you will do for other people that will make you feel good.
3. Do something that makes you happy. It's not selfish to go out of the way and do something nice for yourself. Maybe you just need a day to sleep in, go shopping, get a haircut, or treat yourself to your favorite food. If you do things that will make you happy, you're bound to make other people happy because your'e being yourself and doing what you love.
4. Trust the people you feel like you need to please the most. We tend to try and please those who are closest to us. These people mean the most to us and we would do anything to go out of our way to make them happy, even when they don't ask for it. You need to trust these people that they will love you just by being yourself. You don't have to prove to them that you make them happy, because chances are just by being yourself you do make them happy. Trust that they love you just the way you are.
