Walking across campus is such a drag, especially as the weather gets colder. It takes a long time, requires too much effort, and forces you to interact with other people as you walk by them. There is, however, an amazing alternative: Electric scooters. Limes and Birds are absolutely incredible. I have endless reasons why they are the most useful invention of all time, but I'll do my best to contain my excitement and just explain their awesomeness.

The first experience on one of these scooters is life-changing. I remember seeing my surroundings fly by, the sun shining down, the many stares at my expression of pure ecstasy. That was the peak of my life. Only riding them again will get me near that same level once more.

These scooters are frickin' everywhere. They line the streets of TU's campus and gather outside doors two minutes before class starts. They're not always right near you, but that's the point. Every once in awhile, we have to walk two minutes and debate whether the scooter will be worth the cost. Don't even ponder, fool. It is always worth it.

They are incredibly economical. Ubers and taxis are ridiculously expensive, costing on average a couple dollars per mile. These scooters charge by the minute, and they allow you to zoom directly to your destination instead of taking a longer route. Beat that, normal transportation.

These scooters are so amazing that even falling off is fun. Early in the school year, I made a turn on a sidewalk at full speed and got the scooter caught in the grass. As I scraped and skidded across the path, I only had one thought: this is amazing! Never has something so mundane as a faceful of concrete been so exhilarating. I got up, dusted myself off, and got back on that Lime with a new appreciation of the world.

When you ride past people on your way to class, you feel superior. That's because you are. From atop your green or black scooter, you can look down and spit on these forlorn walkers. You get to whiz by with inches to spare. Sometimes, if people don't move for me, I won't change direction either. I get to enjoy my fall while you receive a multitude of scrapes and fractures. Sucker.

I could go on forever. But now, I have to get to class across campus in three minutes. My Bird and I will make it on time.