To The Girl Who Struggles To Value Herself
How to stop feeling selfish for loving yourself
First of all, you are worth it. You are worth so much more than putting yourself aside to please others or ignoring your needs to fulfill another's. You are worth it to your family and to your friends but above all else, you are worth it to yourself.
It's easy. It's easy to fall into the trap of not wanting to live for yourself, of wanting to put others first because at least then no one will be angry with you. It's easy to want to please people, it's easy to feel selfish for not wanting to please people. It's easy to run yourself thin, because at the end of the day only you're the only one who knows you are struggling.
But is that any way to live? Is that any way to wake up the in the morning, with the purpose of making others happy? When did everything shift, who decided that you were the one who had to be put last? More importantly, why did you go along with that?
Every day is a gift. You are a gift, and you have the ability to make every day a gift. You have the responsibility to make every day a gift. You owe it to your family and to your friends to make the best out of your life, but most importantly, you owe it to yourself.
And the only way to make the most out of your life is to value yourself. It's to value not only yourself but everything that makes you feel alive, everything that makes you feel cared for, everything that makes you feel the most you possible. It's valuing not only the things that do that for you but also the people. Valuing yourself is paying attention to your needs, it's paying attention to how you feel everyday, it's paying attention to what you need to take care of yourself. Valuing yourself is paying attention, it's listening to your heart.
Valuing yourself is also taking responsibility. It's taking responsibility for the fact that you are the sole person in charge of your life. It is your job to create the life you want and the life you will love, and the longer you choose to postpone that for another's needs, the longer you will have to wait to achieve it. Valuing yourself is choosing not to wait anymore. It's choosing to choose yourself.
And there is nothing selfish in that. There is nothing selfish in taking care of yourself or choosing a path that will please you, even if it doesn't please others right now. There is nothing selfish in self-care or self-love, and there is nothing selfish in building a world that you will truly enjoy to inhabit. I once read a quote that said, "Sometimes we are angry at other people for not doing what we should have done for ourselves." There is nothing selfish in finally doing things for ourself, because God knows no one else will.
And in the end you will find that valuing yourself will help you value others. You value the people who truly care about you when you take time to love and care for yourself. You will go through life a little lighter, knowing that those who value you will appreciate you valuing yourself and those who don't will simply go on their way. You will no longer hold resentment against those who you subconsciously attempted to please, because once you do what you need to for yourself you will no longer be waiting on them to do the same in return. You won't be angry at them for not doing what you should have done for yourself. That is responsibility.
But don't get down on yourself. It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to not know how to value yourself. I'm still getting there myself. But let these words comfort you and maybe guide you and above all else, help you love yourself.
