Coming Out To My Traditional Mexican family (PART I)
Part one of my coming out story to my traditional Mexican family.
Ah! What a wonderful month full of color and joy.
Why is that?
Because it's PRIDE month!.
Pride for me is a celebration of life for those of us that are part of the LGBTQ+ community and it's also a way to celebrate those who have worked hard for many years for us to be treated equally as any productive member of society. Pride is also for those who are still closeted, got kicked out of their home or those who are still unsure. Pride is for everyone and you should be proud to be who you are.
By the title, you might think, "Oh boy, another coming out story?" Yeah, it is ANOTHER coming out story but not everyone has the same experience. Everyone experiences something different and some may not be that colorful.
Since I was a little boy I grew up in a very happy household where I had the love of my parents and family members. When I was in third grade I started to hang out with girls more than boys, which my parents noticed. They always told me to try and hang out with more boys because having more girlfriends was just not right.
I felt pressured at a very young age because I didn't know why it was wrong or why I would be more comfortable hanging out with girls. I was bullied for that too. The boys in my neighborhood would always make jokes about how feminine I was and calling me names that degrading my personality. I didn't take to much to heart because I believed what I was doing was completely normal and was not wrong.
Entering middle school, my interest in boys sparked, but it was not an interest to have guy friends. Instead, I felt an attraction to them. I was ok with that because I never thought it was wrong, however, I was too scared to tell my parents because they are typical traditional Mexican parents. I would always see videos of people coming out to their parents and turning out perfectly fine and somehow I thought I was going to have the same experience.
At the age of 14, I decided to tell my mom how I was feeling and that I like boys, not girls. The instant that moment happened, I knew I made the biggest mistake of my life. She instantly burst in tears and rage and asked me why I was doing this to her. I had no words to say other than sorry. I took it back instantly and made up that I was just joking and that I had a girlfriend.
She told me to prove it and so I decided to start a relationship with this girl I met in middle school. She liked me so I decided to ask her out and our relationship began. I would write letters to her and she would write back. It was really cute because we were communicating very old school. In my mind, I knew I did not like her and I felt bad using her just so my mom wouldn't be disappointed in me.
I eventually told my girlfriend about everything and why I did it. Thankfully she understood and we broke up. But now I faced the problem of me telling my parents that I'm gay.
I sought comfort in music and this is when I started listening to Katy Perry. She had something in her music that made me feel happy and forget about my problems. This is why she became my idol and is a very important figure in my life today.
My mom was happy I was dating a girl and would always make the typical mom jokes about a son dating a girl for the first time. I would laugh with her wishing she would be like this when I would be dating a boy for the first time. Deep down I knew that would never happen. Not everything is like the movies and not being able to be yourself is so devastating that sometimes I would go to sleep crying.
I always thought that someone like me would never be happy and that I would never find someone that would accept me and love me for who I am. Denying that I was gay to all my classmates and friends made me feel horrible. I was just so scared to lose everyone and be left in this world alone. I tried so hard to be someone that I knew I wasn't.
I couldn't handle the hate I would hear from my parents when they would make degrading comments towards gay people or the LGBTQ+ community itself. I knew that if I told them I would be kicked out of my home and I was not ready to live alone and figure out things of life on my own. I lived in fear every day and made sure they would never sense that I was gay.
This is only the beginning of what my life was about to become after me coming out to my parents, stay tuned next week for part 2 and to see how my story takes an unexpected turn, thank you for reading. ♥️
