Dear Freshmen, we know you're terrified, but try your hardest to blend in.
Hello incoming freshmen, and welcome to the best four years of your life at Florida State University! We've been expecting and preparing for the class of 2023 and we're happy to see you've chosen the best school in the nation to go to.
We're excited to have more Seminoles joining the tribe, but we did want to let you know that it's obvious you're all freshmen, but that's okay! Here are the ways that we can spot you adorable freshmen from a mile away.
You look like a lost puppy.
Campus is huge and the nightlife and bars can be intimidating, but fake it if you must.
You try a little too hard with your outfits.
Seniors were sweats and leggings and t-shirts to the bars and to parties. Freshmen dress up for everything.
You love going to Mandatory Make Out Mondays.
Is Clyde's even popular anymore?
You guard your fake ID with your life.
You know the name, birthdate, home address, and height on your ID, but there's no fooling those legit bouncers.
You're a little too desperate for attention.
No, not everything has to be funny and no one cares if you end up on Old Row or not. Stop trying so hard.
You brag about your hangovers.
After 21, all hangovers suck. They are not fun, they hurt, and when you have responsibilities, they keep you from functioning like a normal human. So please, don't brag about how hungover you are. No one cares.
You and your buddies dress alike, often.
Fellas, wearing matching basketball or baseball jerseys with your bros is boring. Ladies, wearing matching black body suits and high waisted shorts and booties with your girls is lame. Strive for originality.
You love Standard more than anyone else.
Derd is a wasteland and if you are preaching about how much you love it and can't wait to go on Derdsday, you're a freshman.
You have an FSU lanyard and a bunch of random keys on it.
Repping school spirit is always good, but keeping your lanyard around your neck while 20 keys jingle when you walk will get old really quick.
You love the "Find My Class" app.
Granted, this app is beneficial when going to class in a new building, but try to make it inconspicuous as to what you're doing on your phone if you're using the app.
You're too eager to participate in your 8 am.
8 am's are never fun. They aren't entertaining, they aren't cool to take. If you're participating and waving your hand around in this class, everyone will hate you. Just saying.
You think living in a dorm is amazing.
Dorm life can be fun, but make no mistake- it is nothing compared to living on your own. Don't tell everyone how much you love your little cement box and communal bathroom because no one actually cares.
You call it "Potbelly's" instead of "Pots."
It's "Pots." Just like it's still Tabu instead of Bajas, Encore instead of Tenn, and Coli instead of Coliseum (RIP to Coli).
You say "What What" in our fight song.
A wise brand once said, "There is no What What in the fight song." Thank you, Madison Social.
You're too optimistic.
Learn to hate yourself a little bit in college. Suffer alongside your peers. Threaten to drop out of college every other day. It's totally fine.
You swear that bottomless mimosas are the best thing ever.
Well, they are, but it's time to grow up and start drinking other drinks at brunch. Develop your own tastebuds.