The child in me is in disbelief, but the adult in me understands my mom's reasoning.
I never thought my parents would get divorced. I had always seen them as parents that worked things out, pushed through the crappy situations. But my dad really hurt my mom, and it's been downhill from there. Eventually, they began growing apart. My mom moved out and started going out with friends again.
I know the divorce is good for my mom. She is happier now , seeing friends, doing a little bit of traveling. She wants to grow and take on good challenges; go back to school, become an RN, and eventually move out of the state.
But it's not good for my dad . He misses my mom, she doesn't come home much. I miss her too. My dad doesn't have many friends - he's agoraphobic. He's an alcoholic. He doesn't have much going for him these days, and he's so ill.
My parents are very different people. I know that they'll be better apart - well, at least my Mom will be better apart. So I'm happy for her because she has so much going for her right now. At the same time, I'm also really torn about my dad . He deserves to be happy, right? Even after all he's done? Nobody deserves to be alone in life.
My dad has "accepted" (I use that term very loosely) and recognized his faults: he didn't go to my grandmothers funeral. He knew he messed up. He knows why my mother doesn't trust him. But he has never done anything to fix these things.
Watching and hearing about the divorce from my dad's side of the story only makes me feel bad for him. To him, it seems like they both just stopped trying. To my mom, he was the one who stopped trying and she felt abused, around just for her money.
There are always going to be two different sides to this story. There's nothing I can do to change it.
I think that helplessness is what hurts the worst - and it's something many people experience about divorce.
It's weird experiencing this as an adult; it feels weird to talk about my feelings , I should be able to handle them on my own. This is a good thing for my mom and I am so happy for her. She's supported me through all my endeavors and I do the same for her. But it hurts to see my dad so broken up about it.
There's nothing I can do. It sucks being in the middle.