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Student Life
A Message From The Quiet One
Just a girl trying to figure out the right way to say how she feels.
27 September 2018
169
I am jealous of people who can easily say how they feel and wear their heart on their sleeve. Using words to express emotion is easy for some, but not so easy for others. Without skipping a beat they can tell you what's on their mind. I'm jealous of that ability. I am a quiet one with my emotions.
I keep it all to myself. I don't necessarily "bottle it up" but I spend a lot of time thinking before I ever say it out loud. If you know me well enough, you can read my face and see that I'm processing something, but I won't say it out loud.
This is something I know is problematic behavior, but it's a behavior I have had for a long time and it's proven to work out better for me. Let's say you sent me a big, long text message about how you feel. I probably will send back about two very vague sentences, or not reply for a long time.
This will likely not be making a step forward in our situation, but it definitely won't be making steps back through misunderstanding or miscommunication. When you don't communicate as much, you have a less chance of it being interpreted the wrong way.
I also like to think that staying silent in some situations as "choosing my battles." When I spend my time thinking about how I feel and what I want to say I take into consideration the possible reactions that would come from it. I may reason with myself that it's not even worth express that emotion because of the anticipated outcome.
For me, choosing not to say anything and not share my emotions creates a less stressful life. I don't have long, heated arguments with friends or significant others because I choose not to engage my energy in it.
There a lot of things in life that just are not worth the brain power and I am truly happier not engaging in petty conversations that will not benefit anyone in the long-run.
I guess you could call me an over-thinker, but not the pessimistic kind. I have a thousand trains of thought running through my mind, but they aren't unreasonable.
My brain takes its time to filter through logical outcomes and potential reactions.
I could never pinpoint an exact train of thought and tell you what it is, but they all work together to come to a sensible conclusion, and while my brain does that I stay silent. However long it takes, whether it be ten minutes or three days.
I'm not running my emotions all over the board by overthinking about unrealistic things but rather getting them in order and truly understanding how I feel.
When I am confident I understand how I am feeling and how to express that emotion through my words, then I will speak on it. Some people don't understand and don't want to wait for me to come to my conclusion, and that's alright.
I don't expect every person to be complying with how long my brain takes to process, but I also won't lose any sleep over how understanding myself makes another individual feel. All that matters to me is that I am coping and addressing my emotions within myself.
I am not ignoring someone by choosing not to respond or engage. I am not being shy because I do not want to speak all the time. I simply just think differently than others. What works for me is not what works for everyone.
So if you're annoyed by the quiet one, don't be. Respect the way our brain works and know that we are trying.
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Politics
The Reason I Love Writing: Giving A Voice To The shy
Writing allows me to express myself freely.
09 August 2018
154
https://www.pexels.com/photo/adolescent-adult-ballpen-beautiful-261617/
Since I was little, I wasn't talkative, or a vocal person. Being meek was who I was. My mouth was usually closed and my eyes locked down on to the floor. I always had fear of being myself, that if I was myself people would think I was stupid. Whatever I was thinking or opinions I had I would lock inside like a cage.
I never really spoke much unless I was forced too in school. It left me alone a lot growing up and I spent most of my time in my room. I was labeled, "the mute girl", "the freak", "the weirdo", etc. Even at home, I didn't really speak that much either. I kept everything inside and never really let anyone in, to know the real me.
The only time I really felt like I could truly express myself was when I was writing.
I express through writing as the pen becomes my mouthpiece. Once the pen is on paper, it is like the cage inside of me is broken. The chain that suppressed me disappear as I am finally, free at last to be me. So much relief when my pen hits a new piece of paper. Everything I have thought about all day pours onto the page, without worries of judgment. Like a bird when it is flying, I feel free when I am writing.
I first started writing first when I was in middle school. It was more of a "Dear Diary" thing as every day when I came home from school, the first thing I would do is go upstairs to my room and write in my notebook. I would write diary entries all the time. I would write about how my day was in school, how much I love my friends, or how cute the boy I liked was today. It wasn't until 8th grade I wrote my first story about a princess saving her kingdom. Even though it was a very rough draft filled with random ideas, I was really proud of my work. I wanted to improve my writing, so I started to write more stories but a lot of them are still a work in process because I would always think of new ideas and write new stories.
When I got to high school, I developed my writing skills more. When I was going through all the issues I had in freshman year, I used writing express how I was feeling when talking didn't work. It became a type of therapy for me as I didn't feel alone or shy when I was writing, I felt free, alive and my self when expressing myself on paper. It felt like I had a voice when I usually didn't have one. I didn't have to worry about people judging me or making fun of me when I write because back then I would be the only one to see it.
Now that I am in college, my love of writing has grown even more and I feel like an actual writer.
Thanks to writing for most of my life, I was able to learn to get out of my shell and make friends. I have even gained the confidence to share my writing with people by going to open mics, going to workshop classes, etc. I never go anywhere without at least one journal with me in case I got a new idea or get inspired. My room is filled with different notebooks and journals, I can't tell you how many I have each one filled with poems, short stories, lists, and any random thought I had at that time. Libraries and coffee shops have become my new happy places as I am there most of the time and where I get most of my writing done.
Being a writer has become a part of who I am and because of it, I am able to express myself and gain more confidence in myself. When things were going bad in my life, the writing was my escape from everything. It gave a shy person the power to have herself heard. Now I am working on being published, minoring in English Creative Writing in college so I can help other people who are shy gain a voice as well and make themselves heard.
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Life Stages
Being Shy Is A Curse, Not Just A Personality Trait
I am tired of hearing the same two agonizing questions: "Why are you so quiet?" or "Why don't you just talk more?"
30 June 2018
1710
https://www.flickr.com/photos/miss_phoebe/3261528934/
As someone who has been quite shy and quiet since childhood, I can confidently testify on behalf of the antisocial community.
For me, being shy means more than a fear of speaking in front of large groups or only saying a few words in a conversation. For me, being shy includes not approaching other human beings because of an irrational fear that they will suddenly grow scales and breathe fire if I am to disturb them by giving a simple "Hello" or "How are you?" As someone who has a perfect track record of quietest kid in the class, it's safe for me to say that socialization is not my forte.
Interestingly enough, I can talk to teachers, coworkers or those older than me with more ease than I can my own peers who I see everyday. I represent the unacknowledged, the seemingly invisible and the "I just don't have anything to say" people out there. So if you are tired of hearing the same agonizing questions: "Why are you so quiet?" or "Why don't you just talk more?" understand that you are not alone. There are plenty of comments that you hear on a regular but don't get the chance to reply to and justify yourself for because of the invisible rope keeping your tongue tied.
At some point while working in a group during class, someone is going to tell you that you're so quiet, as if we were delusional enough to have thought we were yammering away and giving speeches on the meaning of life the whole time.
Being shy is difficult in many ways. There are certain foods you'll never eat in front of others. There are certain people you'll always struggle to talk to, and there are those unavoidable awkward moments of trying to small talk. The shyness is something that masks my true personality because it works as a sort of defense mechanism or barrier that will protect me from the fire-breathing people in society. But the worst part about the ordeal is that it's not a choice.
Ask any shy person if they like being timid and they will always say they wish they were more outgoing and sociable. Being shy is not a choice but a curse. It is the chain around one's ankle that can't be broken. Attempts to break out of my comfort zone always conclude with a string of endless thoughts swirling around my head, telling me all the things I should have said or shouldn't have said and that my smile was off or I talked too fast or too slow and that there are countless things to regret. And all these thoughts occur even after a two minute conversation with the employee working the drive through window.
Despite the struggles of being known as nothing more than "the quiet kid," I don't let it hold me back entirely.
I still join clubs and apply myself to the things that I'm interested in because as the shy kid, I have always been myself and have never let others push me to change just to fit in (partly because I'm too afraid to talk to others anyways). Being shy feels like a terrible curse but at the end of the day I understand that I have the power to mold my situation into something better. Whether it takes weeks, months or even years, I know that if I slowly work towards expanding my comfort zone and communicating with others in small ways, some day I won't have to be known as nothing but "the shy kid."
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