In 2019 We Are Redefining Self-Care Because Life Is Not Toxic, Your Attitude Is
Nothing is more important than taking care of your mental health. Period. But think twice before cutting someone out of your life and deeming them "toxic"
"When we self-regulate well, we are better able to control the trajectory of our emotional lives and resulting actions based on our values and sense of purpose."
-Amy Leigh Mercree
With the new year inspiring all part of our lives, it's important to address this idea of 'self-care' that is so widely preached. Self-care, simply defined, is the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress. However, these lines have seemed to be blurred to a significant extent lately.
Our society has taken a few steps back in the treatment of our fellow peers lately. Whether it's the force of authoritarian violence, neo-nazi rallies, objectification of women, or denial of human rights to various non-dominant groups-- there is no denying that America has some strides to make. But how?
How, in such an individualistic society, do we learn that depending on people is a vulnerable strength rather than a weakness? In a country that places emphasis on being self-made, we are trained to believe that any form of codependency makes one weaker. So, we practice "self-care". We cut off those confrontational friends that try to change our life plans. We toss the relationships that don't support us in every decision we make. We quit jobs that make us unhappy after three weeks. We label everything as "toxic" when in reality it's just something that has denied us of that American instant gratification we crave so innately.
Relationships, whether friendships, intimate connections, or professional careers are not a singular commitment. So many apathetic actions are cloaked under this blanket of "self-care". There is a limit between watching out for your mental health and using it as an underlying excuse to hurt those around you. Just because you are troubled for a short period doesn't always mean that the person is "toxic" to you. Sometimes, it serves as an indicator that this relationship is worth working through and working for.
Now, I am a huge proponent for taking care of yourself in daily activities! Through a life of mindfulness and meditation, memories with good friends, and hobbies that fulfill you, it is still important to check in with yourself and see what attitudes need to be managed. But instead of making rash decisions and dropping everyone around you in your life, take these feelings inwards and work on yourself. If you feel a relationship not working, ask yourself whether its a conflict of interest or ideology, maybe even a miscommunication--instead of breaking things off and insisting you're an "independent woman" who was "being held back". There is pride in working through issues, but only if you allow yourself to be codependent.
This is by far my greatest struggle in life. The second things go wrong in a relationship, I just convince myself that I am independent--I was on my own before and I can sure as hell do it again! I convince myself that the other person just wasn't "the one" or that "if my friendships are meant to be, they'll just...be?" I'm here to tell you that I understand what it's like being an independent person trying to let people in. But please, just don't use your inability to transparently work through issues as "self-care."
The 1975 Uses Political Language And Societal Commentary To Draw Inspiration For Their Songs
Some of the lines are: "Selling melanin and then suffocate the black men/Start with misdemeanors and we'll make a business out of them."
When you first hear the words, "The 1975," you probably don't think of band, a year, definitely, but not a band. Well, prepare yourself, because you are about to be introduced to the best band of all time. I am a huge fan of the band, The 1975, and I am here to tell you why you should listen to them too.
The British-band consists of Matthew (Matty) Healy (vocals, guitar), George Daniel (drums), Adam Hann (guitar) and Ross MacDonald (Bass). So far, they've released two albums, the first one was self-titled, "The 1975." But the second one was a bit more lengthy with "I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it." But now, they have a third album coming out on November 30 called, "A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships," and I've never been more excited. To make things even better, they're planning on releasing a fourth album in May called "Notes on a Conditional Form."
Trying to describe the sound of The 1975 is a little hard because they're a little bit of everything. They're techno, pop, indie rock, rock, alternative, indie pop, electropop, and the list goes on (but that's the whole point.) They're the type of band that you can't really categorize because they don't want to be categorized and they shouldn't be. While some of their songs are similar, they're also dramatically different. One song has a gospel choir in the background and another song mostly consists of relaxing sounds and minimal vocals. A few songs have insane guitar riffs, another is a ballad and one only has an acoustic guitar.
4 out of the 15 songs on their upcoming album have been released as singles in the following order: "Give Yourself a Try," Love It If We Made It," "TooTimeTooTimeTooTime," and "Sincerity Is Scary." Of these songs, "Love It If We Made It" and "Sincerity Is Scary" are my favorites. I love the political commentary in "Love It If We Made It," which I will get into later, and "Sincerity Is Scary" is one of those songs that you can sit down and listen to relax.
Two of the best things about The 1975 is their lyrics and the topics that they address. There are a lot of amazing songwriters out there, but I have to say, The 1975 is pretty hard to beat. Take their single "Love It If We Made it" for example. It's an extremely political and topical song and its lyrics are pretty in-your-face. Some of the lines are: "Selling melanin and then suffocate the black men/Start with misdemeanors and we'll make a business out of them."
Just these two lines are already full of political commentary.
Selling melanin could be a reference to the slave trade as African Americans have a lot of melanin in their skin, which gives them their skin tone, and suffocate the black men is a direct reference to Eric Garner, a black man who was suffocated while he was in a choke hold sustained by a police officer. The part about misdemeanors relates to the prison system in the United States and how a large percentage of inmates are African American who are in prison just for misdemeanors.
The band loves to comment on society, more specifically American society, and there's a handful of songs that are about drugs and/or addiction, something that the lead singer Matty lives with.
Something to note about each album they have is that there's always a song titled "The 1975." The songs have the same lyrics, but different styles. It's meant to give a little taste of what the album will sound like and highlight the differences between this album and the one before/after it. For example, the "the 1975" song in "i like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it" includes some gospel singers in the background, more sounds that you can imagine might be found on an alien spaceship and crescendos to the end of the song, while in the first album, the song is more subdued and ends with a decrescendo.
The 1975 also has an interesting way of mixing sound. They'll overlay robotic sounds with a guitar riff or a prominent drum beat. In the song "Sincerity is Scary," they bring back the saxophone sound that was heard in the song "If I believe you" and instead of meshing it with a light doo-wop beat, they combine it with a piano and a soft drum. They'll always find a way to make two very different instruments work together in harmony.
A lot of people may not be into the sound that The 1975 has, specifically older generations as they might think it's annoying, but my mom really likes their music, so how bad can they be? If you're into a mix of songs and if you're always down for a groovy beat, I'd definitely recommend giving them a try.