I got the birds and bees discussion early.
It is family movie night and you surf the channels for something good to watch. You settle on one and wait for the commercials to go away to start the movie. You have never seen this before. It is supposedly a comedy but all the jokes go over your head.
People are taking their clothes off in front of each other and in front of your virgin eyes. Mommy and Daddy are frozen on the couch but you grow curious now. A lot of shapes and shadows have gone by and you have questions. Good-bye childhood and hello sex scenes from good ol' Hollywood.
1. "Pumpkin" (2002)
The film felt really awkward and unnecessarily dark. It tells the story of a disabled and challenged athlete named Pumpkin Romanoff (Hank Harris), whom befriends and wins the heart of a sorority sister Carolyn McDuffy (Christina Ricci), coaching him for charity. The sentiment is morally kind but the sex implied in the dark was awkwardly choreographed. There were blinds from the window shining through and you could see the Y and X axes crossed briefly and the silhouette of breasts. It was a bittersweet moment and impossible to think about let alone see, but it did not phase me.
2. "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery" (1997)
A funny, raunchy action film and is still one of my favorites. It is also how I learned about flirting. The scene, in particular, takes place with sixties secret agent Austin Powers (Mike Myers) scaling a building. He reaches a suite window and is met by the foxy lady Alotta Fagina (Fabiana Udenio). Of course, I did not realize innuendos existed. She disrobes, enters a hot tub and sits there as her flotation devices bob on the water's surface. Needless to say, it got my eight-year-old self's attention.
3. "Avatar" (2009)
I thought science fiction created a unique dichotomy between the body and the soul. It begins literally with Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) being reanimated in the body of the alien race called the Na'vi. As the story progresses, there is the tangible and the spiritual introduced by the Na'vi warrior and woman (Zoe Saldana) but they both coincide beautifully in James Cameron's film, although in a metaphysical albeit disturbing way. I was not thinking about this at the time, but the more I watch this love scene, I am pretty sure this is bestiality.
4. "True Romance" (1993)
Quentin Tarantino's "True Romance" is a perilous romp, to say the least. Two unlikely strangers, call girl Alabama (Patricia Arquette), and comic book store employee Clarence (Christian Slater), find each other's company with a devil may care attitude that sparks their love for each other. This scene, in particular, stuck with me; I wish I could sound cool saying, "Want to see what Spider-Man #1 looks like?" It is every nerd's fantasy to talk to your lover about comics and then make love in a comic book store. Geometry was not my strong suit back then but I learned to appreciate shapes. Excelsior!
5. "Titanic" (1997)
Another James Cameron film that romanticized a historical tragedy with rags-and-riches classicism. Rose (Kate Winslet) and Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) are worlds apart until they meet each other on the Unsinkable Ship. You might have been thinking that the "Draw me like one of your French girls" scene would have been the one that gave me room for pause, but no. It was the scene in which the Titanic couple invented car sex. I did not know what was happening more or less, I knew they were talking, removing clothes, but I was too invested with the dialogue to notice they were naked.
Even back then I did not know how to be awkward when I should have been. That folks is one of the most awkward things to have caused your parents one fateful family movie night ago.